Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Of course I have an asshole. I got it from my Father.

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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You'll pay dearly for calling me an asshole!

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Of course I had sex with Mary.

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Behold, I God, never use paper.

I let my feces dry naturally on my crack. Would you like to see? Would you like to smell it?


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What are all those flies buzzing around Elohim's butt?
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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

The Second Fart of Christ

Behold the crack in my ass.
Behold my anus. It's glorified and perfected,
a holy hole -- the the holy of all holies.


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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Doctrine and Covenants Section 130 wrote:The Father has a body of flesh and bones with a penis, a butt crack, and an anus, as tangible as man’s; the Son also


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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Behold, I have seen Father's anus.

It is glorious and beautiful, Michael. Let us make man in the image of God.


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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God.
I have an anus even as my Father has an anus.
I command you to smell my ass crack.


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Dr. Shades
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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I can always tell when you've been drinking 'cause you post images whenever you do so.
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Dr. Shades wrote:I can always tell when you've been drinking 'cause you post images whenever you do so.


Is there something you'd like to add to the thread other than whether I drink or not while posting, Dr. Shades? Don't you think the main point of this thread merits some kind of response from those who believe in a bodily resurrection? What might have been your response when you believed in the resurrection?

I'm convinced, absolutely, that this thread is extremely important to the doctrine of resurrection. Leave it to me to think outside the box and shine light in new places. Leave it to me to yank the robe off Heavenly Father and expose his nakedness before all the angels in heaven. That's what I'm doing.

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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Amore »

Hi Shulum,
I was worried about you - but I see you’re alive and kicking.
Some posts on this thread have made me laugh & then I felt bad - that maybe it’s wrong to laugh about God. But who invented laughter? Imagine the origin of humor - the Supreme Comedian! Who invented our bodies?

Well, it may not be a “who” but more of an energetic process over countless years. I realize Mormonism teaches that God has a physical body and you’re pointing out how ridiculous that is. God is made in the image (imagination) of man. God is a 3-letter word that represents what people imagine to be based on religion & their own imagination. Really, I consider God much more - God would have to be in order to be omnipresent and omniscient.

There are so many different ways to consider God! The bible lists almost 1,000. God is intelligent design - yes, Shulum, which includes the anus. :) God is experienced within - so it’s subjective thoughts and feelings unique to each person. Those 2 aspects are unconditional. Another more conditional aspect is why some reject, hate and deny God - we are God’s hands in loving, hurting or neglecting one another.

Then there’s the philosophical or psychological idea of god being that which you worship - (as discussed in another thread) - your ultimate concern. Claims don’t count - only behavior does.

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Behold, I Jesus Christ am gloriously endowed having a resurrected member that is 8 inches long and I don't have saggy balls. My Father's is only 6 inches long and his sag.

Bow before me. Kneel and adore me.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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MEETING HEAVENLY FATHER, THE Mormon GOD HAVING A BODY OF FLESH AND BONES:

QUESTION: Father, how many teeth do you have in your mouth?

ANSWER: All my teeth are numbered, I know them all.

QUESTION: Will you open your mouth and say, "Ah"?

ANSWER: You want to see my tongue and throat too?

QUESTION: You do have a throat, do you not?

ANSWER: My throat leads to my eternal belly.

QUESTION: Will you turn around and show me your backside, like God did to Moses?

ANSWER: See, I am glorious and wonderful to behold, even my backside!

QUESTION: Yes, you have a rump with two perfectly shaped round buns.

ANSWER: The appearance of my rump is glorious and wonderful.

QUESTION: Open your buns and let me see what's inside?

ANSWER: You desire to see my sacred hole?

QUESTION: Yes, reveal all, please.

ANSWER: Reach hither thy finger, be not faithless but believing.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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I'm Elohim from Kolob. When I grow up I want to be just like my Father.

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Dr. Shades
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Dr. Shades »

So, what spirits are you enjoying this evening?
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Dr. Shades wrote:So, what spirits are you enjoying this evening?


Merry Christmas and happy New Year to you too.

So, as a believing Mormon did you ever contemplate whether you'd have an anus in the resurrection. No?

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Jehovah, I have chosen you and rejected Lucifer. You are more to my liking and after mine own image. Go now and make an earth wherein all my sons and daughters may go down and gain experience in what it is like to poop. I want all my children to know what poop is and become more like me.

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It shall be done, Elohim. Come, Michael, let us go down and form man in Father's image wherein they too may poop.

We shall go down, Jehovah, so that we may poop out of our poop holes -- come Eve, let us go down.

We shall go down, Michael, so that we may eat fruit and poop like Father does.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Behold, hear the voice of your Heavenly Father, for I am God. I am sending Jehovah along with Michael and Eve to create a world wherein all my children may be born having physical bodies like my own body. There you will experience the joy of eating and learn what it is like to poop and wipe.

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Ooh gross, I don't want to poop.

I want to poop!

Me too!

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Listen, my children. When you are ready,
you too will go down to earth and get bodies
of flesh and bone like I have. There you will
learn what it is like to fart and poop.


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Can I be white and delightsome like you, Father?

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Resurrection joy in Mormonism is realizing your new body has a glorified and perfected asshole.

"Thank you, Jesus, for resurrecting all my holes."


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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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You can have an asshole too, just like Heavenly Father

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Last edited by Shulem on Sun Jan 06, 2019 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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