Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

[Shulem]

[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

You're wrong!

I have not posted pornographic photos in this forum. The pics were entirely appropriate.

This thread should have originally remained in the terrestrial forum and not have been booted down here.

Shades, you have hangups, man.

[Shulem]

[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

You're wrong!

I have not posted pornographic photos in this forum. The pics were entirely appropriate.

This thread should have originally remained in the terrestrial forum and not have been booted down here.

Shades, you have hangups, man.

[Shulem]

[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

You're wrong!

I have not posted pornographic photos in this forum. The pics were entirely appropriate.

This thread should have originally remained in the terrestrial forum and not have been booted down here.

Shades, you have hangups, man.

[Shulem]

It pisses me the ____ off that my anus thread is not getting the attention it deserves. All the ____ Mormons who think they're going to be resurrected can shove it up their asses!

Elohim of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has an eternal anus hole. So also does his Son. The Holy ____ Ghost has none.

There. I feel better now.

[Shulem]

Holy, holy, holy, Elohim farts away!



I'd like to bear my testimony that I know the church is true

[bbwfw]

Heavenly Father has an anus, but it is non-functional and only for show. If it were functioning he would have to eat, but glorified beings don't need to eat. If glorified beings tried to eat food they would experience diarrhea because they lack intestinal bacteria to help with digestion. Bacteria cannot be resurrected or glorified. Therefore, Heavenly Father's anus is only for show, a glorious reminder that He was once a living, breathing, farting, homo sapiens just like us.

Why can't bacteria be glorified? Also I would think they could eat but not have to. Don't they eat from the tree of life? How that then works is any guess. As a tule of thumb though speculation is just that if it does not pertain to my personal salvation it doesn't make much difference but someday I can find out when I need to.

[Shulem]

Why can't bacteria be glorified? Also I would think they could eat but not have to. Don't they eat from the tree of life? How that then works is any guess. As a tule of thumb though speculation is just that if it does not pertain to my personal salvation it doesn't make much difference but someday I can find out when I need to.

So why can't bacteria be glorified in the wonderful world of celestial Mormonism? Why can't they have joy in the sphere in which they live and operate?

Listen, bbwfw, your personal salvation is all about the pleasure, joy, and happiness you expect to have when you become a glorified person having a body of flesh and bones. You need to know if you're going to have an asshole or not. It's important to know this now and not just sweep it under the rug and say it doesn't pertain to my salvation. Don't just wait for "some day" to find out. You need to know now because answers to questions can be defined at anytime.

Do you really want to wait till the day of resurrection to find out? Will you reach back with your finger and see? That sounds stupid, I know, but in effect that is what you are advocating.

[I have a question]

Heavenly Father has an anus, but it is non-functional and only for show. If it were functioning he would have to eat, but glorified beings don't need to eat. If glorified beings tried to eat food they would experience diarrhea because they lack intestinal bacteria to help with digestion. Bacteria cannot be resurrected or glorified. Therefore, Heavenly Father's anus is only for show, a glorious reminder that He was once a living, breathing, farting, homo sapiens just like us.

Why can't bacteria be glorified? Also I would think they could eat but not have to. Don't they eat from the tree of life? How that then works is any guess. As a tule of thumb though speculation is just that if it does not pertain to my personal salvation it doesn't make much difference but someday I can find out when I need to.

How do you know specualtion doesn’t pertain to your Eternal Salvation?

[Shulem]

How do you know specualtion doesn’t pertain to your Eternal Salvation?

Mormons don't like to talk about things that make them feel uncomfortable. Everything is a mystery to them. They don't know what to believe.

[Shulem]

Our Dear Heavenly Father,

We come before thee at this time to inquire at thy hand important truths that will help us better understand our existence and the plan of salvation. We thank thee, O Heavenly Father, for the gospel and for the resurrection of thy Son Jesus Christ who stands at thy right hand.

And now, Father, we ask thee to please reveal unto us the truth regarding the resurrection of thy holy asshole. We ask thee, O Father, does thou have an asshole in which thou mayest touch with thine finger? Please, O Father, tell thy children here on earth whether thou hast a hole or not and whether thy sons and daughters will have holes too.

We ask for this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

[2bizE]

Yes, but since he no longer needs to eat and poop, he installed a zipper on his anus and it now is usually zipped shut. It can be unzipped however by one of his flocks of heavenly wives if they feel like exploring during sexual episodes making spirit babies.

[Shulem]

Joseph, behold the Father and Son. We are Men. We both have penises. We both have assholes. Doubt not but believe. If thou wilt have faith and believe we will drop our robes, turn around, and bend over and grant you a view.

Joseph my son, would you like to see my holy hole?

[Shulem]

Joseph, behold the Father and Son. We are Men. We both have penises. We both have assholes. Doubt not but believe. If thou wilt have faith and believe we will drop our robes, turn around, and bend over and grant you a view.

Joseph my son, would you like to see my holy hole?

O God. Never at anytime have I seen the hole of another man. I've only seen that of girls. But if thou wilt, thou mayest drop thy robe that I may sneak a peek through this stone and see thy glory hole.

O God, thou hast a holy hole!

Reach hither thy finger and touch it.

[Shulem]

A revelation and vision given unto Shulem whereby the Lord God Almighty appeared unto him and revealed his true nature as recorded in the Doctrine & Covenants of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints wherein Horny Heavenly Father came down out of heaven to make his will known.

Behold, I am Heavenly Father the great Elohim.

I am a resurrected Man. I have a body of flesh and bones. I have a penis. It gets hard and is bigger than Jehovah's. I have balls that hang from my scrotum. I have an anus, my glory hole, and it performs according to my will and pleasure. Yes.

Behold, I am God Almighty and reveal unto thee my ASSHOLE.

[Shulem]

The buck stops with me, baby. [deleted]



Come feel Heavenly Father's holy rump and run your finger down the middle until you find an opening!

[Shulem]

The buck stops with me, baby. [deleted]



Come feel Heavenly Father's holy rump and run your finger down the middle until you find an opening!

I God, the Lord of Glory, came down out of Heaven and knew my 14 year old daughter, Mary. I God made a woman of her and forced her to see it my way.

Meet Jesus, my Son. I taught him everything I know.

[Dr. Shades]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Shulem, please be alcohol-free for 24 hours prior to typing a post.

Thank you.]

[Shulem]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Shulem, please be alcohol-free for 24 hours prior to typing a post.

Thank you.]

Shades, you were a believing Mormon at one time, quite some time ago. I was wondering, did your testimony of the resurrection of Christ and the Father having a body of flesh and bones include the idea that they had assholes? Seriously, did you ever give it any thought?

Well? What is your answer!?

[Dr Exiled]

Our Dear Heavenly Father,

We come before thee at this time to inquire at thy hand important truths that will help us better understand our existence and the plan of salvation. We thank thee, O Heavenly Father, for the gospel and for the resurrection of thy Son Jesus Christ who stands at thy right hand.

And now, Father, we ask thee to please reveal unto us the truth regarding the resurrection of thy holy asshole. We ask thee, O Father, does thou have an asshole in which thou mayest touch with thine finger? Please, O Father, tell thy children here on earth whether thou hast a hole or not and whether thy sons and daughters will have holes too.

We ask for this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Oh my f____ God! I'm crying. This is gold!

[Shulem]

Shades, you were a believing Mormon at one time, quite some time ago. I was wondering, did your testimony of the resurrection of Christ and the Father having a body of flesh and bones include the idea that they had assholes? Seriously, did you ever give it any thought?

Well? What is your answer!?

Crickets chirping.

Ok, you won't play with me. How about the vaginal hole? Was that on your resurrection agenda? I'll bet you thought your eternal companion would provide a hole for you. Right?

A hole is a ____ hole, Shades.

[Shulem]

The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame.

There you have it, boys and girls. Not so much as a single hair will be lost. Everything (including every hole) will be restored, including the ASSHOLE.

Stupid ____ Mormons!