Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Mittens wrote:I agree with Joseph Smith back in 1835 when he taught God the Father was a personage of spirit


Do personages of spirits have a backside?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks crack?

Do personages of spirits have a hole in the buttocks crack?

Well? Do they?

Personages of spirits have a mouth and when they open them there is a hole and a throat too if you look inside. So, who is to say they don't have a hole in their spiritual buttocks crack? Well, who is to say they don't?

Mittens, are you going to have a hole in your buttocks crack when you're resurrected? Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

I have more questions.

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moksha
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Shulem wrote:Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

Shulem, say you were acting this out as part of an audition, what would be your motivation for asking? Would you immerse yourself in this role?
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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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moksha wrote:
Shulem wrote:Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

Shulem, say you were acting this out as part of an audition, what would be your motivation for asking? Would you immerse yourself in this role?


Every Latter-day Saint deserves to know if their Father in Heaven has an asshole. There is no hiding it behind his ____ white robe. Let's see the goods, Heavenly Father. Drop your ____ robe and let your children see what an asshole you have!

(This is because Shades put this thread down in telestial when it should have been left in terrestrial. Bad judgment call on his part, I think.)

Hey, Shades. Question. When you were a believing member of the church did it ever cross your mind whether your Father in Heaven had an asshole? If so, what was your opinion on the matter?

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RockSlider
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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I thought the big question was, does he have a belly button.

Mittens
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Mittens »

Shulem wrote:
Mittens wrote:I agree with Joseph Smith back in 1835 when he taught God the Father was a personage of spirit


Do personages of spirits have a backside?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks crack?

Do personages of spirits have a hole in the buttocks crack?

Well? Do they?

Personages of spirits have a mouth and when they open them there is a hole and a throat too if you look inside. So, who is to say they don't have a hole in their spiritual buttocks crack? Well, who is to say they don't?

Mittens, are you going to have a hole in your buttocks crack when you're resurrected? Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

I have more questions.



Joseph Fielding Smith answers your question :lol:


Selections from Answers to Gospel Questions
Taken from the writings of Joseph Fielding Smith
Tenth President of Mormonism
A course Study for the Melchizedek Priesthood Quorums
1972-73

Lesson 6 page 39

It was Jesus who gave commandments to Adam after he was driven out of the Garden of Eden and who directed Enoch and Noah before the flood. It was Christ who named Abraham and made him that through his posterity all nations would be blessed. He, it was who called Moses to lead Isreal out of Egypt and who wrote with his fingers on the tables of stone. He had no body until he was born in Bethlehem.
Justice = Getting what you deserve
Mercy = Not getting what you deserve
Grace = Getting what you can never deserve

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Mittens wrote: :lol:


Book of Mormon wrote:Behold, this body, which ye now behold, is the body of my spirit; and man have I created after the body of my spirit; and even as I appear unto thee to be in the spirit will I appear unto my people in the flesh


Joseph Fielding Smith wrote:So the Savior showed to the Brother of Jared his entire body just as it would appear when he dwelt among men in the flesh


Asshole.

Mittens, if I didn't know better, I'd say you are Heavenly Father's asshole. You most assuredly are a piece of ____ ____.

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Maksutov
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Yes. God has a penis, too. All is revealed in this book.

Oh, and God is dead. Sorry.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IWTRB3A/re ... TF8&btkr=1
"God" is the original deus ex machina. --Maksutov

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Maksutov wrote:Yes. God has a penis, too.


Undoubtedly every single Latter-day Saint man who anticipates a glorious celestial resurrection expects to have their penis restored as a vital working part of their eternal body. But do these men also anticipate having an anus too? Obviously, the anus is an important part of the human body, so why wouldn't they have a resurrected anus and enjoy the pleasures of prostate stimulation?

These are valid questions of which I don't think Latter-day Saint men appreciate one bit. All this I suppose has gone over the heads of the prophets because they have not spoken on this matter. Then again, the prophets don't ever speak much about anything other than the same old regurgitated gospel ____ that members of the church are spoon fed year after year.

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Heavenly Horny Father will now remove his robe, strip naked, and show all his children that he still has a crack in his ass.

Behold, Father's crack!


Image

The honor be the the Father, the Son, and the Holy Asshole.

Amen.
Last edited by Shulem on Tue Jan 28, 2020 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Behold, I am God the Father. I have a resurrected, glorified, and perfected asshole. Would you like one too?

Image

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Hagoth
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Hagoth »

Maksutov wrote:Yes. God has a penis, too. All is revealed in this book.

Oh, and God is dead. Sorry.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IWTRB3A/re ... TF8&btkr=1

Of course, if anyone, He would have a priesthood antenna.

p.s. is that book as awesome as it sounds?
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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Image

Mormons have their heads in the clouds. They attest how glorious it will be to have a celestial resurrection and yet how many seriously ask themselves if Heavenly Father has an anus and perhaps more importantly whether they expect to have an anus? The whole idea of physical resurrection in Mormon heaven is nothing but fantasy, an alleged idea. Mormons fail to wrap their heads around such things and refuse to reason and speculate what they expect in a resurrection. It's all a mystery to them, clouded in mystery.

Stupid Mormons.

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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Revelation from President Dr. President Russell M. Nelson

Image

Dr. Russell M Nelson wrote:God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ have glorified anus holes.

Their penises also have holy holes in them to squirt urine or sperm.

Without a hole, what's the point?
Last edited by Shulem on Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:18 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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sunstoned
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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So, if god has an asshole, then it must be for a reason. We all know what that reason is. Than, to the next question: What about toilet paper? Who makes this stuff in heaven? Do they have trees and loggers that cut the trees down and send them to a mill? And are there mills that turn wood into paper? If this is the case, then so the trees that were killed in heaven to make toilet paper for god get re-eserected? What about the loggers and mill workers. Are they telestal servants? Is this like a chruch calling? How does all of this fit together?

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Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Of course he has an anus. His ____ doesn't stink, either. And his throne? It's gold and He likes to ____ post on His iStone while taking a perfect crap that doesn't require toilet paper. It only follows that the exalted man can't get any peace what with hundreds of wives and millions of mouths to feed.

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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Shulem Telestial Kingdom threads kick ass. No pun intended
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Themis
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Doctor CamNC4Me wrote:Of course he has an anus. His ____ doesn't stink, either. And his throne? It's gold and He likes to ____ post on His iStone while taking a perfect crap that doesn't require toilet paper. It only follows that the exalted man can't get any peace what with hundreds of wives and millions of mouths to feed.

- Doc


I heard he poops ice-cream.
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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

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