The Off-Topic Forum
The forum for self-introductions, politics, hobbies, or anything else non-LDS related.
I'm somewhat apprehensive - not really sure how bad I'm going to get flamed and I hope - really - I don't cuss because (even though I haven't read the policies here) I'm fairly certain cussing isn't allowed, I don't want to violate any rules (but I do enjoy cussing when appropriate to do so - you know, sometimes there's nothing like the sound of saying :censored: )
- Raised in popular protestant religion
- Rebellious youth & young adult
- Heard the LDS version of their story when young adult
- Coerced into joining the club (because they didn't tell me the entire story and much of what they did tell me wasn't true)
- Always had serious doubts about many things
- Too busy to deal with these "satanic-driven doubts" (ha - raising five children, two or three jobs, numerous callings)
- Remained TBM for about two decades, held several leadership callings
- Finally began dealing with the "just isn't right" issues
- Finally began realizing the evidence - factual information only - was overwhelmingly clear
- Finally accepted the truth: the organization is definitely not what it claims
- Anger, feelings of betrayal - no option but to leave - so I resigned
- Wife remains TBM (I resigned almost four years ago)
So, that's pretty much me and I am SO VERY HAPPY to be away from the mind-controlling tactics the organization employs. It kills me to see my wife is - and probably always will be - ensnared mentally in their traps. It's probably accurate to say I hold more anger towards the organization than I should - this isn't healthy - but every day, I'm faced with the reality that the organization is still impacting my life because my wife continues to give away $6K annually (after taxes) and she spends countless hours with her calling, attending meetings on Sundays and going to the mind-controlling "house of the lord" (gimmie a freaking break).
I have sort of made up my mind that in three years, if she's still involved with the organization in any way possible, that I'm going to start a new life and move on. Most likely, people will offer negative comments about that and I understand. I have done everything I know how during these past several years (because I began sharing my doubts with her years before I finally drew the line and announced I would never return to the organization almost four years ago).
I am probably best described as holding a nearly infinite thin grasp onto being an agnostic, a thread away from being an atheist. The remarkably surprising discovery - is that now I'm in this position, I don't have the fear I thought I would have when I claimed to believe in a higher being. The "rampant desire for sin" doesn't exist - period. That "uncontrolled sinful nature" was a fear that I was taught would encompass anyone who would turn away from the organization and then from god. There is so much more to life that I'm beginning to experience again. Dusting off the twenty or more years of totally dedicating myself to the organization, burning the mental games I participated in, rediscovering reality in all it's beautiful forms, allowing myself - without guilt - to think about anything I want in any context is so incredibly liberating and satisfying I cannot describe with words the joy I've found by never trusting in the false, deceitful, and incredibly mind-manipulating tactics from the organization some refer to as a "church" of some sort.
Whew . . .
Hello everyone! I'll be honest and tell you upfront I hope I find friends here. I'm neither ashamed to want more friends nor am I in any way ashamed of where I am now, spiritually or otherwise. Of course, I'll always regret believing the philosophies of men, mingled with ancient mythical stories (which often bear insignificant resemblances to the original stories - ha) but I am ready to move on with my newly discovered life where my reasoning skills are actually invited to participate and grow. And that they have.