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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 5:54 pm 
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Section 143

Revelation to Mormon Discussions given 27 June 2012. Members of the board were wondering about the circumstances surrounding Daniel Peterson being released as the prophet....err, removed from the Mormon Studies Review. Rumors circulated among both the Saints and the wicked about a certain article that was to have been published by the Church...err, the Maxwell Institute. In response to many fervent prayers and fasting, the Lord gave that which follows.

1-4, Mortality is a period of linear time; 5-6, the Lord loses track of his thoughts; 7-8, Gerald Bradford and John Dehlin are agents of wickedness; 9-15, the work of apologists shall continue; 16-22, Bradford, Dehlin, and Satan's conspiracy explained; 23-25, the faith of the apologists will make them strong like the undead; 26-27, the Lord punishes Mormon Discussions by the mouth of his servant, Droopy; 28-32, talk that talk.

1. Now, even at this time, hearken unto the counsel which ye hast inquired of at my hand,
2. For verily, now is the time that thou shalt listen; thou canst not listen in the past, for it has already come to pass,
3. Nor can thou listen in the future, for it is not the future right now. Behold, it is now right now, and in this time of presentness shalt ye give heed,
4. For how can thou do anything in the past or the future, if thou are currently in the present?
5. Where was I? Oh, the thing with Gerald Bradford. Yea, this was the subject on which I was revealing mine words unto ye, before it came to pass that I got sidetracked with revealing the precepts of linear time;
6. Anyway......
7. Because mine apologists delivered up those writings that I inspired them to write, concerning John Dehlin, who is the anti-Christ, into the hands of a wicked man, even Gerald Bradford, behold, they have lost the power to apologize for my Church,
8. And I have taken away the use of my facilities at my holy university, and darkened their minds, and chastened them with an sore chastening,
9. Nevertheless, if they shall walk in faithfulness before me, and in no wise reconsider the pettiness of their ways, or the triviality of that about which they are willing to devote an hundred pages with extensive footnotes,
10. Behold, it shall be but a short season, and then shall they find a venue of some sort to continue their work in my name,
11. Yea, for the building up of mine kingdom, for such faith shall it take to believe the words of my apologists, that surely it taketh nothing to belief the things that are espoused by my holy Corporation,
12. Verily, there are many who are called to be apologists, but there are few who are chosen. And why are they not chosen? Because they do not learn this one lesson:
13. That when I tarried on this Earth, and made an remark about straining at a gnat but swallowing a camel, this was not an admonition, but a commandment!
14. And if ye understand this saying, and have desires to apologize for my holy Corporation, behold, thou art called to the work,
15. Be thou therefore vigilant in whom ye trust with the apologetic articles that I have inspired, for thine enemies circle about, even as flying monkeys seeking the ruby slippers;
16. Behold, they have sought to destroy you; yea, even Gerald Bradford in whom you have trusted has sought to destroy you.
17. And for this cause I said that he is a wicked man, for he has sought to take away the university facilities wherewith you have been entrusted; and he has also sought to destroy your apologetic gifts.
18. And, behold, Satan hath put it into the hearts of these anti-Mormons to alter the words which you have caused to be written, which have gone out of publication.
19. And behold, I say unto you, that because they have altered the words, they read contrary from that which you translated and caused to be written; for now they say horrific ad hominem things about John Dehlin, which are hurtful to the feelings, when really all ye had said is that John Dehlin is a wicked man, and naughty, and to expose him for the anti-Christ that he is
20. And, on this wise, Gerald Bradford and the enemies of my Corporation, who have infiltrated my holy University, have sought to lay a cunning plan, that he may destroy this apologetic work;
21. For these enemies have put into their hearts to do this, that by lying they may say they have caught you in the words of bitterness and personal attacks and ad hominem and invective, rather than the righteous work you had really done of merely warning my people that John Dehlin is the servant of Lucifer.
22. Verily, my judgment awaits Gerald Bradford, and John Dehlin, and all those who oppose my holy apologetic work, even unto the fourth and fifth generation,
23. Behold, Bradford and all those guys have only suppressed a part of the truth which I inspired you to write; wherefore, continue thy work, and if thou shalt have faith in me, and obey my commandments, and receive mine ordinances, and shop at my mall, and stay at my hotels, and eat at my restaurants, and watch my TV stations,
24. And most of all, if thy check cleareth when thou shalt offer your tithe unto the bishop,
25. Then behold, I will make a way for the truth that is revealed through mine apologists to spring forth, even as the zombies sprung forth from the earth in the video for Michael Jackson's Thriller;
26. And it is pleasing unto me that my servant Droopy shall continue to rebuke the inhabitants of this board; yea, with much boldness, and prolixity, and all manner of metaphors,
27. And except it be that the inhabitants of this board repent, and humble themselves before me, I shall in no way cease to continue punishing them with the works of my servant, for as Pharaoh, King of Egypt, failed to submit despite the plagues I visited upon his people, so also shall the inhabitants of this board suffer the wrath of Droopy's return among you, until ye repenteth in sackcloth and ashes,
28. All things are numbered unto me, and in repentance shall thy voice cry unto me in the night,
28. Yea, one and two and a three and four
29. Come forth and let me know if you want some more
30. Thou knowest what I like, now get right;
31. Yea, talk that talk to me all night;
32. Even so. Amen.


Last edited by Mormon Jesus on Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:06 pm 
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Mormon Jesus wrote:
6. And to the inhabitants of this message board, behold and see that my anger is kindled against you.


Shouldn't it be "...mine anger is kindled..."

?

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:10 pm 
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zeezrom wrote:
Mormon Jesus wrote:
6. And to the inhabitants of this message board, behold and see that my anger is kindled against you.


Shouldn't it be "...mine anger is kindled..."

?


You know where smark alecks go...?

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:13 pm 
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Paul H Dunn wrote:
Mormon Jesus wrote:
Revelation given to Mormon Discussions recorded 12 April 2012, relating to posting on the board. Although the revelation was recorded in 2012, it is evident that the principles involved in this revelation had been known since the days of ZLMB.


33. For the works of God are mysterious, and cannot be comprehended, as with mine holy mall, wherein at one edifice The Gym was placed right above The Cheesecake Factory, without hint of irony;


Dear MJ,

When I was designing the holy mail using an app on my I phone I thought it best to place my workout location next to my favorite restaurant..
When you get a minute I wonder if you could talk to Tommy about redacting the word emeritus from my title in the Church history records.


Roflmao. While your around Brother Dunn do you think you could give me some baseball pointers


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:27 pm 
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Mormon Jesus,

Please help me find my car keys....

In your name, amen

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:32 pm 
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zeezrom wrote:
Shouldn't it be "...mine anger is kindled..."

Mormon Jesus speaks according to the infirmity of the sockpuppet he uses as his spokesman.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 7:02 pm 
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Mormon Jesus wrote:
16. Behold, they have sought to destroy you; yea, even Gerald Bradford in whom you have trusted has sought to destroy you.
17. And for this cause I said that he is a wicked man, for he has sought to take away the university facilities wherewith you have been entrusted; and he has also sought to destroy your apologetic gifts.
18. And, behold, Satan hath put it into the hearts of these anti-Mormons to alter the words which you have caused to be written, which have gone out of publication.
...
21. For these enemies have put into their hearts to do this, that by lying they may say they have caught you in the words of bitterness and personal attacks and ad hominem and invective, rather than the righteous work you had really done of merely warning my people that John Dehlin is the servant of Lucifer.


Christ, you are such a pain in the ass. I had nothing to do with this. When the news broke, I was on a private guided tour of the Holy Land!

\m/

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 7:05 pm 
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Lucifer wrote:

Christ, you are such a pain in the ass. I had nothing to do with this. When the news broke, I was on a private guided tour of the Holy Land!

\m/


Win!


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:52 pm 
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holy crap this thread wins the internet


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:56 pm 
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Cylon wrote:
holy crap this thread wins the internet


Yeah, as one of the other new guys here...I'm telling ya this is some good stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 12:13 am 
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Quote:
Where is my revelation?


You and I are lumped together in verse 28. No pun intended.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:17 am 
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Lucifer wrote:
Mormon Jesus wrote:
16. Behold, they have sought to destroy you; yea, even Gerald Bradford in whom you have trusted has sought to destroy you.
17. And for this cause I said that he is a wicked man, for he has sought to take away the university facilities wherewith you have been entrusted; and he has also sought to destroy your apologetic gifts.
18. And, behold, Satan hath put it into the hearts of these anti-Mormons to alter the words which you have caused to be written, which have gone out of publication.
...
21. For these enemies have put into their hearts to do this, that by lying they may say they have caught you in the words of bitterness and personal attacks and ad hominem and invective, rather than the righteous work you had really done of merely warning my people that John Dehlin is the servant of Lucifer.


Christ, you are such a pain in the ass. I had nothing to do with this. When the news broke, I was on a private guided tour of the Holy Land!

\m/

:lol:

I don't care who ya are ......... THAT'S FUNNY!


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:32 am 
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Mormon Jesus wrote:
Revelation to Mormon Discussions given 27 June 2012. Members of the board were wondering about the circumstances surrounding Daniel Peterson being released as the prophet....err, removed from the Mormon Studies Review. Rumors circulated among both the Saints and the wicked about a certain article that was to have been published by the Church...err, the Maxwell Institute. In response to many fervent prayers and fasting, the Lord gave that which follows.

1-4, Mortality is a period of linear time; 5-6, the Lord loses track of his thoughts; 7-8, Gerald Bradford and John Dehlin are agents of wickedness; 9-15, the work of apologists shall continue; 16-22, Bradford, Dehlin, and Satan's conspiracy explained; 23-25, the faith of the apologists will make them strong like the undead; 26-27, the Lord punishes Mormon Discussions by the mouth of his servant, Droopy; 28-32, talk that talk.

1. Now, even at this time, hearken unto the counsel which ye hast inquired of at my hand,
2. For verily, now is the time that thou shalt listen; thou canst not listen in the past, for it has already come to pass,
3. Nor can thou listen in the future, for it is not the future right now. Behold, it is now right now, and in this time of presentness shalt ye give heed,
4. For how can thou do anything in the past or the future, if thou are currently in the present?
5. Where was I? Oh, the thing with Gerald Bradford. Yea, this was the subject on which I was revealing mine words unto ye, before it came to pass that I got sidetracked with revealing the precepts of linear time;
6. Anyway......
7. Because mine apologists delivered up those writings that I inspired them to write, concerning John Dehlin, who is the anti-Christ, into the hands of a wicked man, even Gerald Bradford, behold, they have lost the power to apologize for my Church,
8. And I have taken away the use of my facilities at my holy university, and darkened their minds, and chastened them with an sore chastening,
9. Nevertheless, if they shall walk in faithfulness before me, and in no wise reconsider the pettiness of their ways, or the triviality of that about which they are willing to devote an hundred pages with extensive footnotes,
10. Behold, it shall be but a short season, and then shall they find a venue of some sort to continue their work in my name,
11. Yea, for the building up of mine kingdom, for such faith shall it take to believe the words of my apologists, that surely it taketh nothing to belief the things that are espoused by my holy Corporation,
12. Verily, there are many who are called to be apologists, but there are few who are chosen. And why are they not chosen? Because they do not learn this one lesson:
13. That when I tarried on this Earth, and made an remark about straining at a gnat but swallowing a camel, this was not an admonition, but a commandment!
14. And if ye understand this saying, and have desires to apologize for my holy Corporation, behold, thou art called to the work,
15. Be thou therefore vigilant in whom ye trust with the apologetic articles that I have inspired, for thine enemies circle about, even as flying monkeys seeking the ruby slippers;
16. Behold, they have sought to destroy you; yea, even Gerald Bradford in whom you have trusted has sought to destroy you.
17. And for this cause I said that he is a wicked man, for he has sought to take away the university facilities wherewith you have been entrusted; and he has also sought to destroy your apologetic gifts.
18. And, behold, Satan hath put it into the hearts of these anti-Mormons to alter the words which you have caused to be written, which have gone out of publication.
19. And behold, I say unto you, that because they have altered the words, they read contrary from that which you translated and caused to be written; for now they say horrific ad hominem things about John Dehlin, which are hurtful to the feelings, when really all ye had said is that John Dehlin is a wicked man, and naughty, and to expose him for the anti-Christ that he is
20. And, on this wise, Gerald Bradford and the enemies of my Corporation, who have infiltrated my holy University, have sought to lay a cunning plan, that he may destroy this apologetic work;
21. For these enemies have put into their hearts to do this, that by lying they may say they have caught you in the words of bitterness and personal attacks and ad hominem and invective, rather than the righteous work you had really done of merely warning my people that John Dehlin is the servant of Lucifer.
22. Verily, my judgment awaits Gerald Bradford, and John Dehlin, and all those who oppose my holy apologetic work, even unto the fourth and fifth generation,
23. Behold, Bradford and all those guys have only suppressed a part of the truth which I inspired you to write; wherefore, continue thy work, and if thou shalt have faith in me, and obey my commandments, and receive mine ordinances, and shop at my mall, and stay at my hotels, and eat at my restaurants, and watch my TV stations,
24. And most of all, if thy check cleareth when thou shalt offer your tithe unto the bishop,
25. Then behold, I will make a way for the truth that is revealed through mine apologists to spring forth, even as the zombies sprung forth from the earth in the video for Michael Jackson's Thriller;
26. And it is pleasing unto me that my servant Droopy shall continue to rebuke the inhabitants of this board; yea, with much boldness, and prolixity, and all manner of metaphors,
27. And except it be that the inhabitants of this board repent, and humble themselves before me, I shall in no way cease to continue punishing them with the works of my servant, for as Pharaoh, King of Egypt, failed to submit despite the plagues I visited upon his people, so also shall the inhabitants of this board suffer the wrath of Droopy's return among you, until ye repenteth in sackcloth and ashes,
28. All things are numbered unto me, and in repentance shall thy voice cry unto me in the night,
28. Yea, one and two and a three and four
29. Come forth and let me know if you want some more
30. Thou knowest what I like, now get right;
31. Yea, talk that talk to me all night;
32. Even so. Amen.

Holy ____, At-One-Man, that's some f'n funny stuff!

You've still missed a few deserving subjects: juliann, Scribbler the Slave Trader, Judas Iscariot Hauglid, and Kevin "Allahu akbar" Graham, among others.

I look forward to the next "installment from on high" come tomorrow, assuming you've recovered your strength after tonight's "Super Swingers Special" at the CasBar.


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:50 am 
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Verily, these are mine own words, and shall never be changed nor edited. Even so. Amen.


Last edited by Mormon Jesus on Sun Apr 15, 2012 1:20 am, edited 11 times in total.


Priceless.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:22 pm 
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Section 144

Revelation to Mormon Discussions given 10 July 2012. There were still rumors abroad regarding the martyrdom of certain apologists. The businesses of the Church were also a matter of discussion. Having ensured that all of his worshipers had their car keys, and having sent forth the Three Nephites to change the tires of the faithful who were stranded at the roadside, the Lord gave the revelation which follows.

1-3, The Lord has something to say, if that is okay with you; 4-7, hysteria and a persecution complex are pleasing to the Lord; 8-11, the Lord's followers should be martyrs in all things; 12-18, rebuke and instruction to the people of the board; 19-28, the Kingdom of God is among you, cash and credit cards accepted.

1. Behold, I am the Lord, who sits upon high, for heaven is my luxury box, and the earth is the basketball court on which I watch you play;
2. Yea, and my word is sharp and cutting as a gas-powered Weedwacker; wherefore, hear what is written, which I have spoken by my hand unto the people of this message board, even Mormon Discussions,
3. For now that we have established who everyone is, I speak unto you at this time, if that be all right with you people, seeing as how I am the Lord and all;
4. Verily, there is still much marveling, and astonishment, and amazement, that some of mine apologists have been removed from their places at my holy university,
5. Know thou then that there thus is much cause for all manner of speculation, and intrigue, and conspiracy, and plotting; yea, unto secret combinations, for surely there are no simple administrative decisions at work in this matter;
6. For I came not to bring peace, but a sword, and anyone who in any way shall second guess mine apologists, or their many sayings, or the workings of my Corporation, is thy enemy,
7. And it is pleasing unto me that there shall be all manner of hysteria, and conspiracies and rumors of conspiracies, for the last days shall be filled with paranoia, and perpetual victimhood;
8. Yea, thou shalt nurse thy persecution complex so that it may wax strong, and if any man shall tell thee that thou hast a persecution complex, behold: he is persecuting you;
9. Behold, no point is too trivial that it must not be analyzed, and the analysis analyzed, and the analysis of the analysis analyzed, and so on until thou reachest eternity,
10. And my people shall be martyrs in all things; yea, there is no hill that is too small to die on,
11. Wherefore, climb every mountain, ford every stream; follow every rainbow, until thou shalt find thy dream,
12. Ye of this message board should also be of my people,
13. Behold, how often would I have gathered you, as the child gathers his Pokémon cards, but you would not come,
14. And for this cause have I chastened thee, by sending forth Droopy, and ldsfaqs, and obvious sock puppets, and Tobin, and if I am particularly angry, stemelbow;
15. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and thus ye see that those whom I have sent to punish thee must mean that I love thee a whole lot;
16. Yea, I have inspired these, my servants, that there may be wailing, and gnashing of teeth, and banging of the head against walls and desks, and the utterance of foul oaths, until ye repent, and make this message board more pleasing unto me;
17. For one thing, it is my desire that those who receive my words set their board preferences to 3myl_parchemin, because it looks more biblical that way, for if a thing sort of looketh to be arguably of ancient date, and if the speaking shall be even as that of the Bible, or more or less a facsimile of it, then behold: is it not the word of God?
18. Of course it is.
19. And now I say unto thee, marvel not that the world wishes to report on how my Corporation maketh lucre,
20. For the honors of men, and the things of this world are pleasing unto me,
21. Ye have heard it said that at my coming, the sword shall be beaten into a ploughshare, and the lion shall lie down with the lamb,
22. And Zion shall also befriend Babylon; behold, is this not a sign that the Corporation is mine?
23. Therefore, rejoice in my many businesses, and in mine holy mall, where Tiffany and Porsche Design flourish, that costly fripperies and baubles may be had,
24. For now that I think about it, warding off urban blight is as good an explanation as any for why my Corporation needeth a staggeringly expensive mall in Salk Lake City,
25. Which city was established by the pioneers of yore, upon my rock,
26. Yea, dost thou not remember? We built this city,
27. We built this city on rock and roll.
28. Even so. Amen.


Last edited by Mormon Jesus on Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:28 pm 
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I <3 this 4evah

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 9:19 am 
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Forgive me Lord, for I am weak and have failed to follow thy just commandment. Verily I did set my board preference to 3myl_parchemin, and yea, it did give godly weight to all the sayings of this board, but also yea, it did make the words difficult to read in that tiny italic script, and therefore I did return to my previous wicked ways and use prosilver.


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 3:19 pm 
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Section 145

Revelation to Mormon Discussions given 16 July 2012. Many prophecies had been given concerning the Lord’s return and his millennial reign upon the board. This revelation brought further light and knowledge concerning the signs of his return and the conditions the board would experience at his coming and during the Millenium.

1-2, The Lord’s words mow down the mighty like grass; 3-6, the righteous shall have one vision; 7-12, the Lord is pretty tricky; 13-17, board members who are displeasing shall be cast out at his coming; 18-21, wine and resurrection for all; 22-24, the Lord will moderate the board during the Millenium; 25-27, tribulations shall follow for a season; 28-29, the Lord’s coming is like a horror movie franchise; 30-33, one love, breda.

1. Hearken, ye people of this message board, unto the word of him whose word is sharp and powerful as a riding mower,
2. Even that which is driven by a Briggs & Stratton engine, unto the cutting down of grass, until all things shall be of more or less the same length, which is pleasing unto the sight of all who delight in lawn care;
3. Yea, mine ears have seen the works of this board, and mine eyes have heard you; wherefore, I shall speak concerning that which is to come,
4. For the day shall come to pass when all shall be one in me; yea, all things shall be gathered as one, and all shall have one vision,
5. One flesh, one bone, one true religion,
6. One voice, one hope, one real decision;
7. For the day is not far hence, when I shall return to Mormon Discussions; yea, the hour of my coming is nigh, and yet the date and the hour thereof, no man knoweth,
8. For I come as a thief in the night, in the hour that thou least expecteth, who infiltrateth thy most secret places, and thou expected it not,
9. Verily, in that day shall I log into thy Facebook account, and post all manner of embarrassing things as if it were thee speaking,
10. And I shall have the passwords to thy MMORPG's, and straightaway shall unequip and give away all thine choicest weapons and items, and then allow thine enemies to kill thee repeatedly, while thou art defenseless,
11. I will go into thy closet and scuff thy favorite shoes; I will replace all thy favorite shows on thy DVR with reruns of "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody"; I will short-sheet they bed; I will set thy alarm clock for an hour and an half before thou wanted to get up; I will tell thee the surprise ending of that book thou has been wanting to read or that movie thou has not yet seen,
12. Yea, all manner of annoyances shall I visit upon you, that you may know that I am the Lord, and am merciful unto them that love me;
13. And after these things shall I appear on the board, and every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, and every post admit, that I am the Lord, yea, all shall say, Holy Christ Almighty, the Lord has come!
14. And my name shall be written in all your sig lines, and the unrighteous shall be cast out; they shall be perma-banned, and I shall say, depart from me, ye cursed, for I never read thy posts; thy works were offensive to my sight,
15. I shall spit thee out as that which is lukewarm, neither interesting enough to be interesting, nor crazy enough to amuse and delight the heart;
16. Then straightaway shall the Lord reign upon this board, and all shall post things he wants to read night and day, saying, Holy, holy, holy is the Lord; holy are his ways, and holy are his words,
17. Yea, that Lord sure is one holy guy there;
18. And then, O inhabitants of the board, shall ye see me among you, and thou shalt know that I have treaden the wine-press alone, and the chardonnay issuing therefrom shall be pretty darn good,
19. Verily, no more of this "sparkling cider" crap;
20. For I will drink of the fruit of the vine with thee, and peace shall reign upon the message board,
21. And those of old shall rise from their tombs; yea, Who Knows, and George Miller, and Redefined, and msnobody, and John Stuart Mill, and others who have long since slept, shall arise and stand on the right hand of the Lamb,
22. And Droopy shall be bound, and others like him, that there may be happiness and rejoicing upon the board,
23. And those who believe on me shall have power to cast out devils; yea, when the board shall be possessed by sock puppets, they shall say unto the sock puppet, What is thy name? And the sock puppet shall answer, My name is Legion, for we are many;
24. In that day the Lord there shall be no moderators over you, for the Lord shall be your moderator, and all power on the board shall be given him;
25. And when the reign of peace upon the board is over, Droopy shall be loosed for a season, and his rambling compound-complex sentences with all manner of dependent clauses and mixed metaphors shall shake the board,
26. And with him shall be ldsfaqs, and his exclamation points and capital letters shall assail thee; and both he and RayAgostini shall bring with them the needless use of scare quotes; and stemelbow shall vex the board with his presence,
27. All these tribulations and more shall follow my reign upon the board, just because;
28. For it shall be like those slasher movies, when thou thinkest that the killer is finally dead, but then he ariseth because of some contrived reason, that a sequel may be had; yea, sequels that shall continue on into the eternities, until there shall be a final showdown between the killer and the protagonist(s);
29. Even so shall be the coming of the Lord's millenial reign, and his going away again, and then coming back for the final battle,
30. Wherefore, let all who desire to be raised up in that day be one in me,
31. One love, one heart,
32. Let us get together and feel all right.
33. Even so. Amen.


Last edited by Mormon Jesus on Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:20 pm 
God
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:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:59 pm 
God
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How can one not love Mormon Jesus?
My favorite

13. And after these things shall I appear on the board, and every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, and every post admit, that I am the Lord, yea, all shall say, Holy Christ Almighty, the Lord has come!

All are of course spot on, but another favorite:

27. All these tribulations and more shall follow my reign upon the board, just because;

Thank you Mormon Jesus!


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 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:39 pm 
Sunbeam
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Mormon Jesus needs to write a book. This thread is seriously awe-inspiring.

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