cinepro wrote:
So the solution to the problem would have to be a shift in the culture and expectations of LDS youth and single adults. Since many of these attitudes probably stem from the culture at large (and the influences of advertising, movies, music, books and idealistic messages in Church lessons and videos), I doubt a few talks in conference are going to do much to discourage the single men from waiting for the "perfect" woman (however they define it) to come along.
You may be correct. I'll share some points from several discussions this past weekend (when the family gathered to bless a baby)...
1. the lack of support (for want of a better word) for the institution of marriage in the 25-35 age bracket isn't confined to those who are LDS and single. It is a generational thing that LDS YSA's that age also exhibit. It's much too easy to stay home, play video games, and watch tv than actually go to the trouble to build a relationship with a real, live person.
2. my children's generation (25-38 yrs currently) are not as willing to listen to counsel from our leaders as my generation (the Boomers) was, and thus Pres Monson's stern lecture didn't have the impact it would have had on my generation.
3. single LDS men are only half of the problem. Many many LDS women in that age group (25-35) are not or were not interested in marriage, family, husband. They wanted an education, a career, options and they weren't willing to subjucate themselves on the altar of the priesthood (as marriage is viewed by a substantial number) as the women of my generation did. Marriage doesn't look appealing to someone who has watched 50% of their parents' generation tear apart families via the divorce courts, and who has watched a goodly number of their own generation follow that same path (with accompanying devastation for single women with young children in a world where having a husband is a requirement for acceptance within the group. Relief Society in a family ward can be a vicious place, and young single women with children are not allowed in singles' wards.)
4. single LDS women who expect elaborate dates are unfortunately not an aberration... they are very nearly the norm. If a man doesn't come with plans for a nice dinner, some entertainment (concert, movies, etc), an education and a job... well, don't bother to ask; she's not going to accept. Young LDS women now expect the guy to fork over a fortune for the pleasure of their company; my generation was happy with a walk in the park and an ice cream cone.
5. mandating dating is not the answer (a young man just returned to my daughter's inner circle with tales of his experience this past year at BYU-Provo. His bishop interviewed the young women on a monthly basis; if a young woman had not been on a date that month, he reamed the Elder's Quorum out. The men in the ward were expected to have gone on 2 dates per month. This was a very strange idea to my daughter and to me. Can anyone verify this?)
6. my family generally agrees with Pres Monson's disapproval of "hanging out" and "group activities only". However, we don't think he approached the issue with an idea that will actually work. We think it would be more effective if Pres Monson had told the YSA's to widen their finding pool... and look outside LDS circles. It's as easy to baptise a spouse as it is to baptise a single adult. Knowing that the opposite sex can only look within the LDS circle makes some young LDS very complacent.