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 Post subject: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:01 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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Dear Sir or Madam:

Recently, you ran stories about Brother William Schryver's presentation at the FAIR conference, making reference to what you termed "frustrating speculation by many critics" on internet message boards. I think it is a safe assumption that you were referring to this message board. You also quoted a post from Greg Smith on Mormon Apologetics and Discussion Board about Brother Schryver killing critical theories about the Kirtland Egyptian Papers and burying them under Mount Doom, etc.

I am aware that you will be cutting back your publication and laying off staff members, but since you devoted two whole stories to the new champion of the faithful and hero of Mormon apologetics, shouldn't you take the time to share with your dwindling readership (as evidenced by your recently-announced cutbacks and layoffs) more about this internet buzz regarding Brother Schryver? He is certainly proud of his behavior, as he has explicitly said. Shouldn't you and faithful members of the Church also be proud of your new hero?

Let us all bask in the humble piety and Christ-like character of Brother Schryver, who is to the LDS faithful as Lancelot was to King Arthur. I only have time for a few examples of his noble, pious, and humble spiritual insights.

Speaking of Jesus loving others, Brother Schryver said:

William Schryver wrote:
I'm not so sure. After all, he mocked the Pharisees and Sadducees quite effectively during his mortal sojourn.

Besides, I can do both at the same time.

"I love all of you stinking apostates."


Regarding the sudden necessity for both himself and Brent Metcalfe to be published before a debate can happen:

William Schryver wrote:
So, if I understand you correctly, on the basis of my not having yet published, in a formal venue, any of my findings, they are to be regarded as "lies and b***s***" until that time?

Is this same criteria applied equally to Brent Metcalfe?

I have, at least, "e-published," as it were, several arguments in the Pundit's forum of the MAD board that pertain to the Kirtland Egyptian Papers, as well as my first draft of the scroll-length article that will soon be published in the JBMORS.


On respect for women:

William Schryver wrote:
In fact, the more I think about it, the more abused I feel. Do you realize that I am surrounded by a veritable cloud of estrogen from day to day? I am verbally and emotionally abused by females from dawn to dusk, day after day, week after week, and year after year, and they have, each and every one, learned far too well how to hit where it hurts.


On his feelings about talking about group masturbation, unbelievers being the spawn of whores, and other Christ-like topics:

William Schyrver wrote:
As I’ve said many times, I hope people DO read everything I have ever written on this message board. Not only will doing so put the lie to the propaganda campaign that has been waged against me, but it will be entertaining for them as well!


On how people who lose their faith in the LDS Church must be stupid:

William Schyrver wrote:
Granted, you and John are nearer the dark end of the spectrum, but then you have people like Polygamy Porter and Liz and Paul Osborne et al. who simply lack the intellect sufficient to be as effective evangelists as you are. That's all right, though, because the majority of apostates are more like them than you, so the presence here of a large number of extremely average people makes it a welcoming environment for all. ;-)


On having civil discourse and friendly relationships with those who disagree with you:

William Schyrver wrote:
The difference being, of course, that it's always clear that I'm just passing through, whereas you and your cohorts belong.

When the day comes that people here start praising me, then you can say that I belong, too. Until then, the lines of demarcation are stark and bold, just as I prefer them.


On respect for people of other faiths---in this case, Ceeboo, who is a Roman Catholic:

William Schryver wrote:

Seepoo:.......

From what I've seen so far, I couldn't fill a thimble with the coherent thoughts generated by "follk" like you, so I'm rather disinclined to concern myself with what you think.

As for my "contributions" here in The Great and Spacious Trailer Park™, I can only assure you that they are carefully calibrated to produce precisely the effect you have observed here today. Feel free to use the "Ignore" function to hide my posts from your offended gaze in the future.


More on his respect for women:

William Schyrver wrote:
Edit: KA was the one who blogged about her breast reduction surgery. It was hilarious. I laughed. I cried. I blew snot bubbles.


On his sincerity:

William Schyrver wrote:
I, on the other hand, am trying to be insulting. Being witty is simply an unavoidable byproduct of my saying anything at all."


On his respect and compassion for working class people:

William Schryver wrote:
You're just the homely waitress wandering from table to table here in the singlewide, hoping that someone will get drunk enough to ask you out.


And even more on his chivalrous attitude toward the fair sex:

William Schyrver wrote:
I think the real problem is that harmony dislikes women, or rather, being a woman. She resents the fact (as she sees it) that she was born into an inferior (as she sees it) role, body, status, etc.

Of course, she's really not that uncommon in this respect. Modern feminism has now produced at least three generations littered with self-loathing women. It's one of the great tragedies of our times, if you ask me.


On his status as a meek and humble follower of Jesus Christ:

William Schryver wrote:
You see, I don’t care in the least about your bawdy sins. Nor am I interested in whatever “punishment” they might merit.

No, what fills me with the thrill of anticipation is the thought of the mighty Jehovah finally smacking down the pride and haughty looks of the arrogant bastards, like you, who have been mocking the Saints from the balconies of the great and spacious building since time immemorial. I couldn’t care less what they do behind the closed doors of their penthouse suites. But I am greatly offended—viscerally outraged—at how the meek and humble followers of Christ have been mocked and ridiculed throughout the ages by people like those of you who continue the apostate tradition on this message board.

The Lord has patiently enjoined His Saints to leave vengeance to Him. And we have patiently done so.


On his overall Christ-like persona:

William Schyrver wrote:
You're the toughest talking blowhard of a ____ I've ever seen.


And his status vis-à-vis God:

William Schryver wrote:
Besides, as I've indicated previously, I have my calling and election made sure. I'd have to shed innocent blood to fall from my exaltation at this point. And we both know I ain't gonna find any of that here.


On missionary work:

William Schryver wrote:
You're the toughest talking blowhard of a ____ I've ever seen.

"Grrrrrrr ... put up or shut up! Grrrrrrr ... I'm so intimidating when I snarl ..."

:lol:!

OK, you gnarly, snarly wench you, here's some scriptural references for you. Go educate yourself about the law of the celestial kingdom"


And to the cheerleaders at MADB who are lurking here and reading this thread, stand and and be proud. Tell the world about your new hero. Show us the Christ-like, humble attitude that Mormon apologetics should be known for, as demonstrated by its new poster boy.

I look forward to more about Brother Schryver as soon as the Deseret News and/or Mormon Times has the space to devote to it.

Sincerely, Darth J

P.S. Other board members may also contribute their favorite examples of Brother Schryver's humble, Christ-like character to this thread to help you spread the word. Don't be ashamed of your hero and champion.


Last edited by Darth J on Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:04 pm 
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LOL, you have to admit the guy can be funny. It appears he trolls for reactions and gets them. The "seepoo" part is so dumb that it became lol funny.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:09 pm 
God
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DaftJ,

Thanks so much for raising my spirits! Really.

The only thing funnier than the quotes you cited above is that you apparently believe they would paint me in a negative light in the eyes of the Saints.

As I've often noted, the irony chip is the first thing to go bad when a no-longer-believing Mormon walks out the chapel doors.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:13 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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William Schryver wrote:
DaftJ,

Thanks so much for raising my spirits! Really.

The only thing funnier than the quotes you cited above is that you apparently believe they would paint me in a negative light in the eyes of the Saints.


No, Brother Schryver, I think that they don't care. And that is precisely the statement I am making.

Quote:
As I've often noted, the irony chip is the first thing to go bad when a no-longer-believing Mormon walks out the chapel doors.


Of course, I still go to church, so I'm not sure how I've walked out the chapel doors. I would reiterate my "so what if you're right?" question, since you're here, but I don't want to derail my own thread. But please feel free to go answer it in one of the other threads where I've asked it.


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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:15 pm 
God
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My god. Some of those quotes gave me a quivering up my leg. Will, if you're reading this, I want you to know that you are officially my favorite apologist.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:16 pm 
God
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William Schryver wrote:
DaftJ,

Thanks so much for raising my spirits! Really.

The only thing funnier than the quotes you cited above is that you apparently believe they would paint me in a negative light in the eyes of the Saints.

As I've often noted, the irony chip is the first thing to go bad when a no-longer-believing Mormon walks out the chapel doors.


I have to admit, they are really funny statements. I started laughing audibly at work. My favorite is "seepoo" but I really enjoy the one about the calling and election made sure.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:20 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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Molok wrote:
My god. Some of those quotes gave me a quivering up my leg. Will, if you're reading this, I want you to know that you are officially my favorite apologist.


Brother Schyrver also mistakenly believes that I am one of his detractors. To the contrary, it is my fervent prayer that he becomes the public face of Mormon apologetics. I have said so several times.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12875&p=319612&hilit=prayer+schryver#p319612

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12898&p=319845&hilit=prayer+schryver#p319845

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12845&p=321955&hilit=prayer+schryver#p321955


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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:23 pm 
the very elect
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Very good Lord Sith, you knock 'em down!

Image


However, I think the person who would be replying to your open letter is about to get laid off.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:27 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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In case anyone missed what I meant by Brother Schryver's reference to group masturbation and unbelievers being the offspring of whores:

William Schryver wrote:
No one except apostates and those well on their way have ever believed for a minute that I am the "foul mouthed, vulgar" caricature championed by you and the other whore's whelps here in the Perpetual Circle Jerk Suite™.


I'm sure that when your calling and election has been made sure, you can't help but express yourself this way.


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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:28 pm 
the very elect
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Darth J wrote:
Molok wrote:
My god. Some of those quotes gave me a quivering up my leg. Will, if you're reading this, I want you to know that you are officially my favorite apologist.


Brother Schyrver also mistakenly believes that I am one of his detractors. To the contrary, it is my fervent prayer that he becomes the public face of Mormon apologetics. I have said so several times.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12875&p=319612&hilit=prayer+schryver#p319612

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12898&p=319845&hilit=prayer+schryver#p319845

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12845&p=321955&hilit=prayer+schryver#p321955


Image

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:39 pm 
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No, it’s just because Emma was a champion ____ and no one else would have her except Joseph.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:41 pm 
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What a pathetically sycophantic whore you are. You've never had an original thought in all my experience with you, but damn if you aren't good at shilling for others.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:43 pm 
God
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And I'm quite sure that (as per usual) you don't know what you're talking about. You see, unlike you, I actually interact with these people on a regular basis. I know what they think about the second-rate propaganda that emanates from The Great and Spacious Trailer Park™. And my popularity among them is directly proportional to the degree to which I have said what others only wish they might have said. Like, for example, characterizing "Doctor" Scratch as a diseased attention whore.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:46 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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One of the fallacies that many self-annointed defenders of the faith cling to is that members who lose their faith in the LDS Church, as I have, and are even vocal about it, as I am (on this message board, anyway), is that people who lose their faith are angry and hate the Church.

I don't hate the Church. I go to Church. I have no intention of ever removing my name from the Church. I have kids I am raising in the Church.

Why? To paraphrase the end of the South Park episode "All About Mormons," maybe we do have some weird beliefs, but we have good values.

I don't have any faith left in the Church being true, and I think a lot of what it does is silly or based on misplaced priorities, but what I do have left is good values, and I hope my kids can pick up on some of that.

But then we have Brother Schryver, who personifies the hypocrisy of LDS culture. He confidently boasts that discussing his behavior will not make him look bad in the eyes of the faithful, and unfortunately, he is right. And this gets to the heart of why apologetics is cancerous to Mormonism. So many Mormons have become internet Mormons, and so many of those are so desperate to win an argument that is really irrelevant to the Church's truth claims, that character does not matter. As long as he might have a winning point (which, having watched his video several times, I do not concede), it is perfectly fine that he is a vulgar, crude, arrogant, self-righteous, judgmental racist and misogynist (you'll have to look through his MADB posts to find the racist stuff, if it's still accessible). Nor is this problem limited to MADB; newspapers that are owned by the Church clearly share the same set of priorities.

So congratulations, one and all, on your silent ratification of your hero's character. Maybe there was a time when, regardless of ancient Guatemalan Hebrews with domesticated tapirs and Mormonism being taught in ancient Egypt being problematic, values and character were something you still couldn't deny. That time appears to be over. Thank you for depriving me of the one thing Mormonism still had, and for the meaning that continuing to attend church still had for me. I'm sure the person whose name you have appropriated for your organization would be proud.


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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:57 pm 
the very elect
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Darth J wrote:
I don't hate the Church. I go to Church. I have no intention of ever removing my name from the Church. I have kids I am raising in the Church.

Why? To paraphrase the end of the South Park episode "All About Mormons," maybe we do have some weird beliefs, but we have good values.

Don't worry Lord Sith, this is a step that most exmos make.

You will change your mind in less than one year.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:59 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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Polygamy-Porter wrote:
Darth J wrote:
I don't hate the Church. I go to Church. I have no intention of ever removing my name from the Church. I have kids I am raising in the Church.

Why? To paraphrase the end of the South Park episode "All About Mormons," maybe we do have some weird beliefs, but we have good values.

Don't worry Lord Sith, this is a step that most exmos make.

You will change your mind in less than one year.


Well, Brother Schryver and his fan club aren't making a very good case otherwise.


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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 3:11 pm 
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William Schryver wrote:
DaftJ,

Thanks so much for raising my spirits! Really.

The only thing funnier than the quotes you cited above is that you apparently believe they would paint me in a negative light in the eyes of the Saints.

As I've often noted, the irony chip is the first thing to go bad when a no-longer-believing Mormon walks out the chapel doors.


I am pretty sure that most, if not all, of the Mormons I know would find you repellent.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:46 pm 
God

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Schryver has his 'calling and election made sure'? What is he, WBush buying votes in Florida???

Any LDS leader that would guarantee Shryver anything like 'calling and election made sure' has to be a real nutjob.

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 6:12 am 
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Quote:
It is stunningly obvious that neither you, nor Vogel, nor Smith, nor Metcalfe ... nor anyone else in this wretched place, have any appreciation whatsoever for what and with whom you are dealing.

All the better. All the better ...

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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 7:24 am 
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It is so pitifully tragic to watch the twisting reeds of the humor-challenged, irony-chip-deficient hosts of the GSTP©!


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 Post subject: Re: An open letter to the Deseret News/Mormon Times
PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 8:34 am 
God
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Hello,

Yet another gem in the Mr. William "Gookie Cookie, Circle Jerk" Schryver collection:

Quote:
Not that the rabid pack of hyena-esque fools in this place will ever come to appreciate, let alone acknowledge the inherent superiority of the arguments I have made previously..


What a great example of a Mormon scholar! Oh my...

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