Nominations for the Hughies

Runtu · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:12 am

It's that time again, time to make your nominations for the apologists who stand out in their field.

Angriest apologist

Least substantive apologist

Rube Goldberg award for most convoluted attempt at apologia

Lifetime achievement in hubris

Most predictable apologist

Most vulgar apologist

Most embarrassing apologist

Most intelligent apologist

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading

Most honest apologist

harmony · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:51 am

Runtu wrote:

It's that time again, time to make your nominations for the apologists who stand out in their field.

Angriest apologist: Pahoran

Least substantive apologist: Life on a Plate

Rube Goldberg award for most convoluted attempt at apologia: Wade with Kerry a close second

Lifetime achievement in hubris: Juliann

Most predictable apologist: Daniel

Most vulgar apologist: Will

Most embarrassing apologist: Zakuska

Most intelligent apologist: Brant Gardner

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading: David Bokovoy

Most honest apologist: Kevin

Runtu · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:04 am

Angriest apologist: Juliann or Pahoran

Least substantive apologist: Dan Peterson, because his online exchanges are almost always devoid of substance

Rube Goldberg award for most convoluted attempt at apologia: Kerry Shirts

Lifetime achievement in hubris: Pahoran

Most predictable apologist: Wade (you've intentionally misread me) England

Most vulgar apologist: Will Schryver

Most embarrassing apologist: Zakuska

Most intelligent apologist: Kevin Barney or David Bokovoy

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading: Kevin Barney

Most honest apologist: Kevin Barney

The Nehor · **Joined:** Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:05 pm **Posts:** 11816

You bribe the judges and this still happens......

Inconceivable · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:54 am

Runtu,

These categories haven't been eliminated this year, have they?

Apologist that would not give their 14-17 year old daughter to Joseph Smith: No nominations

Apologist that is not missing the chip that directs their moral compass when evaluating mormon history: No nominations

silentkid · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:47 am

I don't read the MAD board much so most of what I'm going off of comes from the limited apologist participation on this board. I did read a few threads on MAD yesterday and I came across some postings by MatthewG that made me laugh. I changed a couple of categories.

Angriest apologist: Will Schryver

Least substantive apologist: Dr. Peterson

Lamest apologist: Wade

Lifetime achievement in self-deprecatory humor tactics: Dr. Peterson

Most predictable apologist: Droopy/Coggins

Most vulgar apologist: Will Schryver

Most embarrassing apologist: MatthewG

Most intelligent apologist: The Nehor

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading: LOAP

Most honest apologist: David Bokovoy (I'm reading honest as sincere)

John Larsen · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:09 pm

Angriest apologist: Pahoran

Least substantive apologist: LifeonaPlate

Rube Goldberg award for most convoluted attempt at apologia: Zakuska

Lifetime achievement in hubris: Scott Lloyd

Most predictable apologist: Bill Hamblin

Most vulgar apologist: Will

Most embarrassing apologist: Jason

Most intelligent apologist: Brant Gardner

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading: All of them

Most honest apologist: Lamanite

The Nehor · **Joined:** Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:05 pm **Posts:** 11816

silentkid wrote:

Most intelligent apologist: The Nehor

I'd like to thank a few of the little people who got me this far:

Thanks to mother, my sister Christine, my dog Allen, my pet ant Phil, my second cousin Renaldo, Gregor Mendel, Herrman Goering, William the Conquerer, the Duke of Windsor, Cao Cao, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds, the Beta-Centaurians, Captain Kirk, Gandalf, Charlie Chaplin, Genghis Khan, the Rhinoceros Party, Barney the dinosaur, the Bic pen company, Mr. Burns, Balaam, the Labor Party of the Czech Republic, salmonella, Emperor Constantine, Nehor, and finally, myself.

Thank you.

TAK · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:10 pm

The Nehor wrote:

silentkid wrote:

Most intelligent apologist: The Nehor

I'd like to thank a few of the little people who got me this far..:
Thank you.

Umm.. I think that was supposed to be a slam..

The Nehor · **Joined:** Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:05 pm **Posts:** 11816

TAK wrote:

Umm.. I think that was supposed to be a slam..

I take what I can get.

Ask Scratch about the patheticism that rules my life and leads me to yearn for any sort of recognition. According to him, I'd do almost anything to be a mod on an inconsequential board.

Either that or my acceptance speech was meant to be a joke.

WilliamSchryver · **Joined:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:26 pm **Posts:** 1

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

As for the rest of you, and your compulsive obsession with your former faith and those who defend it against people like you, and in the way of expressing my sincere gratitude for your recognition of my meager efforts in the cause, I can only say: I couldn’t have done it without all you special folks here in the GSTP.

Despite our occasional spats over the years, I knew all along that you really do like me.

[Sniffles, wipes a tear, tosses the plastic trophy in the overflowing dumpster, and after exiting the trailer park once again, takes the earliest opportunity to thoroughly wash his hands and dust his feet …]

Runtu · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:38 pm

WilliamSchryver wrote:

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

As for the rest of you, and your compulsive obsession with your former faith and those who defend it against people like you, and in the way of expressing my sincere gratitude for your recognition of my meager efforts in the cause, I can only say: I couldn’t have done it without all you special folks here in the GSTP.

Despite our occasional spats over the years, I knew all along that you really do like me.

[Sniffles, wipes a tear, tosses the plastic trophy in the overflowing dumpster, and after exiting the trailer park once again, takes the earliest opportunity to thoroughly wash his hands and dust his feet …]

Looks like I was right. :)

Mister Scratch · **Joined:** Sun Oct 29, 2006 2:13 pm **Posts:** 5605

Runtu,

These are fantastic. Has this really been an annual event? If so, I believe I missed the inauguration. Anyhow, I shall now humbly submit my nominations, with explanations, where relevant.

Angriest apologist: Louis Midgley. No Mopologist sums up the white-hot rage at the center of LDS apologetics more that "The Midge." Pahoran may show a lot of anger on the surface, but Midgley encapsulates the full range, scope, rancor, and evil of Mopologetic anger. I believe this was best evidenced in his verbal assaults on Sandra Tanner and Lynne Whitesides.

Least substantive apologist: The Nehor. Snide asides and rather poor attempts at humor, coupled with his grudging admissions concerning his porn and masturbation addictions (which *are* genuinely funny) have sunk him here. He barely seems to be a member of the LDS Church, actually.

Rube Goldberg award for most convoluted attempt at apologia: John Gee, for his labyrinthine defenses of the Book of Abraham.

Lifetime achievement in hubris: Bill Hamblin, for his recent slathering of himself over his Oxford visit. "Foot-baal! Foot-baal!"

Most predictable apologist: DCP. I don't think I need to explain this one.

Most vulgar apologist: Tie--Bill Hamblin and John Tvedtnes. Sure, Schryver is the obvious choice, but his vulgarity is so obviously meant to be provocative. Hamblin and Tvedtnes, on the other hand, reveal their penchant for foul-mouthedness in far more subtle (read: far more damning) ways. That is, these guys aren't *trying* to be vulgarians; they merely are.

Most embarrassing apologist: LoaP. He is embarrassing because he is so obviously young, and so obviously trying way too hard. You get the sense that he is throwing his life away, and you can't help but feel sorry for him.

Most intelligent apologist: Richard Bushman.

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading: All of them, though if I had to choose, it would probably be DCP, due to his excellent combination of literary eloquence and foot-in-mouth disease.

Most honest apologist: Is there such a thing? K. Shirts, perhaps?

By the way, Runtu---will you be announcing the final winners? I.e., are these just meant to be mere nominations?

The Nehor · **Joined:** Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:05 pm **Posts:** 11816

Mister Scratch wrote:

Least substantive apologist: The Nehor. Snide asides and rather poor attempts at humor, coupled with his grudging admissions concerning his porn and masturbation addictions (which *are* genuinely funny) have sunk him here. He barely seems to be a member of the LDS Church, actually.

I must have missed those admissions. I am barely a member of the LDS Church in the same sense that you are barely an obsessive lunatic.

I would like to accept this award in the spirit in which it is offered. This is akin to winning an award for being a bad human being from a Nazi and I accept it in that regard.

I'd like to thank Scratch for this endorsement and ask that he please stop the creepy interest in my sexuality. Thank you and good night.

Yoda · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:24 pm

Will wrote:

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

Will? Why is Harmony the target of your rancor? She hasn't even posted in this thread, and I don't recall her saying anything nasty to or about you.

In reality, you are a very nice guy, so I'm not sure why you choose to come across this way.

Good to see you posting again, though. :wink:

Hope you're still singing.

Check your PM's. :wink:

Chap · **Joined:** Mon Jun 11, 2007 4:23 am **Posts:** 5559

WilliamSchryver wrote:

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

As for the rest of you, and your compulsive obsession with your former faith and those who defend it against people like you, and in the way of expressing my sincere gratitude for your recognition of my meager efforts in the cause, I can only say: I couldn’t have done it without all you special folks here in the GSTP.

Despite our occasional spats over the years, I knew all along that you really do like me.

[Sniffles, wipes a tear, tosses the plastic trophy in the overflowing dumpster, and after exiting the trailer park once again, takes the earliest opportunity to thoroughly wash his hands and dust his feet …]

Always remember: this man holds the Holy Priesthood of God, and has access to the Holy Ghost whenever he wants it.

Reading his posts is the next best thing to talking to Jesus himself. If you don't find it edifying, that proves you are a sinner.

The Dude · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:29 pm

Mister Scratch wrote:

Most vulgar apologist: Tie--Bill Hamblin and John Tvedtnes. Sure, Schryver is the obvious choice, but his vulgarity is so obviously meant to be provocative. Hamblin and Tvedtnes, on the other hand, reveal their penchant for foul-mouthedness in far more subtle (read: far more damning) ways. That is, these guys aren't *trying* to be vulgarians; they merely are.

I never thought Bill Hamblin was vulgar until I read this exchange over on MADB:

Daniel Peterson wrote:

I've just returned from the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center, where I underwent a medical procedure.

I was unconscious for roughly an hour.

This has helped me to better understand the mental state of many of my critics.

Bill Hamblin wrote:

Colonoscopy, right? That's another way it was like your critics.

Chap · **Joined:** Mon Jun 11, 2007 4:23 am **Posts:** 5559

liz3564 addressing Schryver wrote:

In reality, you are a very nice guy

Oooh - you are a tease!

Stop winding the poor man up. You'll get him all excited.

Runtu · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:40 pm

liz3564 wrote:

Will? Why is Harmony the target of your rancor? She hasn't even posted in this thread, and I don't recall her saying anything nasty to or about you.

In reality, you are a very nice guy, so I'm not sure why you choose to come across this way.

Good to see you posting again, though. :wink:

Hope you're still singing.

Check your PM's. :wink:

Will is an odd duck. One minute he's kind and encouraging, the next vulgar and insulting. I've learned to take neither side of him seriously.

beastie · **Joined:** Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:26 pm **Posts:** 12421

Quote:

Will is an odd duck. One minute he's kind and encouraging, the next vulgar and insulting. I've learned to take neither side of him seriously.

Oh, it's all an act, dahlin. Will is always on stage, glowing in the spotlight, taking yet another bow, imagining the adoring crowd.

So I suggest adding another category:

Biggest Drama Queen Apologist: Will Schryver

Runtu · **Posted:** Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:52 pm

beastie wrote:

Oh, it's all an act, dahlin. Will is always on stage, glowing in the spotlight, taking yet another bow, imagining the adoring crowd.

So I suggest adding another category:

Biggest Drama Queen Apologist: Will Schryver

Agreed. That's why I don't take him seriously at all.

Nominations for the Hughies

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