It is currently Tue Nov 25, 2014 8:59 pm

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 179 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 5:25 am 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:49 pm
Posts: 4627
Location: MI6-Private Quarters
neworder wrote:
harmony wrote:
Bishops commonly question teenagers, especially boys, about masturbation. So do Mission Presidents, if what others say is true actually happens.


When my Mission President would ask me if I had a problem with masturbation I would just reply, "Nope, It works every time!"


LOL. I'm glad I started this thread, it brought neworder out of his shell.

By the way, I would never masturbate. But I was cleaning it one time and it went off.

_________________
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:21 am 
Sono_hito wrote:
Quote:
I actually got asked this question once, when I decided I was gonna actually make a stab at being a good lil Mormon girl. The bishop interviewing me at the time unfortunately decided to ask this question after talking to me like a 5-year old all the way through the interview, so my patience was shot all to hell.

"Do you have problems with being tempted by pornography or illicit sex?"

"Nope. No problem with it at all - in fact, I love it, cause that means my night is about to get better."

*LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG pause*

"Would you care to clarify?"

"Oh, my boyfriend and I sleep together all the time. Is it considered pornography if it's you in the video?"

He just stared at me.

"Yeah, I think we're done here." I got up and left, and that was that. :)


OMG! This is hilarious! I would love to have seen the Bishop's face.


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:22 am 
Bond...James Bond wrote:

LOL. I'm glad I started this thread, it brought neworder out of his shell.

By the way, I would never masturbate. But I was cleaning it one time and it went off.


You're a genious, Bond! ;)


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:35 am 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:49 pm
Posts: 4627
Location: MI6-Private Quarters
liz3564 wrote:
Sono_hito wrote:
Quote:
I actually got asked this question once, when I decided I was gonna actually make a stab at being a good lil Mormon girl. The bishop interviewing me at the time unfortunately decided to ask this question after talking to me like a 5-year old all the way through the interview, so my patience was shot all to hell.

"Do you have problems with being tempted by pornography or illicit sex?"

"Nope. No problem with it at all - in fact, I love it, cause that means my night is about to get better."

*LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG pause*

"Would you care to clarify?"

"Oh, my boyfriend and I sleep together all the time. Is it considered pornography if it's you in the video?"

He just stared at me.

"Yeah, I think we're done here." I got up and left, and that was that. :)


OMG! This is hilarious! I would love to have seen the Bishop's face.


I'm suprised the poor guy didn't spontaneously combust at the thought that the young girl sitting across from him was a porn star. The only way it could have gotten more ackward would be if he said something like, "Monica, is that you? Love your work. But I thought you only worked with other women..."

_________________
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:37 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:40 am
Posts: 1183
Bond...James Bond wrote:
twinkie wrote:
LOL you people are killing me. I don't mean "you people" in any derogatory sense, either.

Seriously, does the church talk to people about masturbation?


Does anyone have a link to the Packer speech on "little factories"?

Edit: I think this is the little factory speech.

http://www.lds-mormon.com/only.shtml

part of the speech:

Quote:

As you move closer to manhood, this little factory will sometimes produce an oversupply of this substance. The Lord has provided a way for that to be released. It will happen without any help or without any resistance from you. Perhaps, one night you will have a dream. In the course of it the release valve that controls the factory will open and release all that is excess.


Oh come on. Boyd is just making stuff up now. The Lord came up with the idea of wet dreams? I can just see Elohim, Jehovah, and Satan discussing this daunting problem during the council in heaven.

Elohim: "My sons, we have a design problem. Since the sacred seed of procreation is constantly building up within the bodily temple of man, we must find a way to prevent overproduction, which could possibly harm the scrotum sack. What do you propose?"

Jehovah: "How about we make the men have dirty dreams, which will force them to subconsciously ejaculate in their bed sheets, but since it was all subconscious it is not technically self abuse and therefore they cannot be held accountable. What do you think, Satan?"

Satan: "I don't like it. I think we should cap seed production at a set amount so the body doesn't overproduce, then we should force man NOT to self abuse by building fish hooks into the palm of his hands, that way they have no choice but to be good."

Jehovah: "But Satan, how will man go to the bathroom?"

Satan: "We can work out the nitpicky details later. It will all work out in the end, because by forcing man NOT to self abuse they will all attain the Celestial Kingdom and I will get the glory. What do you think Father?"

Elhoim: "Hmmm, after some thought I like Jehovah's plan best. Makes it so."

Satan: "Figures. You never choose my plan. You're such an asshole."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:41 am 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:49 pm
Posts: 4627
Location: MI6-Private Quarters
SatanWasSetUp wrote:


Elohim: "My sons, we have a design problem. Since the sacred seed of procreation is constantly building up within the bodily temple of man, we must find a way to prevent overproduction, which could possibly harm the scrotum sack. What do you propose?"

Jehovah: "How about we make the men have dirty dreams, which will force them to subconsciously ejaculate in their bed sheets, but since it was all subconscious it is not technically self abuse and therefore they cannot be held accountable. What do you think, Satan?"

Satan: "I don't like it. I think we should cap seed production at a set amount so the body doesn't overproduce, then we should force man NOT to self abuse by building fish hooks into the palm of his hands, that way they have no choice but to be good."

Jehovah: "But Satan, how will man go to the bathroom?"

Satan: "We can work out the nitpicky details later. It will all work out in the end, because by forcing man NOT to self abuse they will all attain the Celestial Kingdom and I will get the glory. What do you think Father?"

Elhoim: "Hmmm, after some thought I like Jehovah's plan best. Makes it so."

Satan: "Figures. You never choose my plan. You're such an asshole."


This scene taken from the award winning play, Plates of Gold, Balls of Blue. The new production starring Henry Handerson, Timothy Yanks, and Buddy Wackett will be showing during the Fall. Contact your local Ticketmaster for information now.

_________________
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07


Last edited by Bond...James Bond on Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:46 am 
Quote:
This scene taken from the award winning play, Plates of Gold, Balls of Blue. The newest production starring Henry Handerson and Timothy Yanks will be showing during the Fall. Contact your local Ticketmaster for tickets now.



I already booked it with my AMEX card. Bond, will you be my date? LOL


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:53 am 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:49 pm
Posts: 4627
Location: MI6-Private Quarters
liz3564 wrote:
Quote:
This scene taken from the award winning play, Plates of Gold, Balls of Blue. The newest production starring Henry Handerson and Timothy Yanks will be showing during the Fall. Contact your local Ticketmaster for tickets now.



I already booked it with my AMEX card. Bond, will you be my date? LOL


I can't. Won't your husband get jealous? Besides I'm in the supporting cast as a dancing little factory. Our excellent choreographer, Pee Wee Herman, came out of retirement just for the finale, "I'm Wearing A Raincoat When Not A Drop Is Falling".

_________________
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:59 am 
Bond...James Bond wrote:
liz3564 wrote:
Quote:
This scene taken from the award winning play, Plates of Gold, Balls of Blue. The newest production starring Henry Handerson and Timothy Yanks will be showing during the Fall. Contact your local Ticketmaster for tickets now.



I already booked it with my AMEX card. Bond, will you be my date? LOL


I can't. Won't your husband get jealous? Besides I'm in the supporting cast as a dancing little factory. Our excellent choreographer, Pee Wee Herman, came out of retirement just for the finale, "I'm Wearing A Raincoat When Not A Drop Is Falling".


Naw...hubby won't get jealous...This really isn't his scene. LOL I'll meet you backstage afterwards. ;)

Maybe Jason will go with me. LOL


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:58 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:56 pm
Posts: 2829
Does anyone know why they call it self destruction? Are they trying to refer to some form of biological suicide?

I still think they don't allow it because they want to make sure that people, at least men, basically have to get married. Then comes their stipulations on sex and the type of sex so that people basically have to have children. Since the having children thing became impossible and impractical for even the most ardent TBMs they have laid off this one. Masturbation doesn't make people into pedophiles, rapists, or sexual criminals in my opinion, at least I haven't seen any tendency as such. Therefore the only reason left for the Brethren to do this is to force men to get married. Unfortunately this causes a lot of conflict when the women really don't feel the same way and desire to marry at a different time and for different reasons. Perhaps it has to be this way since I know I personally wouldn't put up with a lot of the grief women cause me if it weren't for sex drive. Upset yet sisters? Sorry I'm not meaning to put you down but women are like this in my experience. They're wonderful if you're a child. Mothers are the best. Yet when you get into a romantic relationship with them, they're a real pain in the neck. I don't know why this is the case, but it just is. It's up to the man to make the marriage happen and to keep it together. What makes him want to do this? When he's freed of this need, does he make marriages happen and keep them working, or does he simply tell her to hit the road because he's tired of putting up with the drama.

I wouldn't call this a happy situation at all, but the alternative is basically for people to live single, at least men who have had similar experiences and views as my own, whiich are more than most will admit. Then when the children come it puts even more stress on the couple. Thankfully women start to show some of their better qualities with children and tone down the drama a bit for fear of driving the man and his support away. Of course the woman stops wanting to have sex at this point, so what keeps the man around? I guess in times past he went looking elsewhere or even, took a second wife. Perhaps masturbation would be a viable solution at this point?

I guess it all hinges on reproduction and how much is enough and how much is too much. With an overpopulation problem, our views on this are changing, and our sexual rules that were created due to this are still catching up.

The first time I was asked about this was in a pre-mission interview when I was 18. It almost seems like they're stepping it up if anything. I can't believe my mom was upset with my dad for not interviewing my younger brother about it. I'm not sure what the general trend in the Church is though. I look at the Church as important morally and ethically and it would be important for me that my children are taught some of these things, but this is one doctrine that I think I would like to shield my children from if possible. It seems so prevalent, yet so damaging, at least for young men. I'm not sure about young women but they seem to me to be less effected by it.

Regular masturbation or some sort of sexual activity that gives you a little release seems much helathier. Perhaps this is why they can tout that married men live longer. If there were one thing about the Church that I could change, I think this would be it.

_________________
Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me.
Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:37 am 
Guess what, ajax? Women have sex drives, too!

And, in many cases, men are extremely ignorant about pleasing a woman sexually, or they are just too selfish to care.

masturbation is a great way for women to explore their bodies and find out what is sexually stimulating, so that WE don't get so frustrated.

Ironically, since MEN have the priesthood, and ask most of the questions, they don't have the brains to realize that women masturbate, too. The Madonna/whore concept runs rampant in the LDS community.


Top
  
 
 Post subject: Re: Overcoming Masturbation--Mark E. Petersen--Is this for r
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:49 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:57 am
Posts: 2187
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Bond...James Bond wrote:
SatanWasSetUp wrote:
Quote:
15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.


Because nothing gets you hot like extra paprika.



So many things make sense now.

_________________
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." ~Charles Bukowski


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:05 pm 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:49 pm
Posts: 4627
Location: MI6-Private Quarters
ajax18 wrote:
I still think they don't allow it because they want to make sure that people, at least men, basically have to get married.


Of course. And where do they get married? Why an LDS temple of course. Lock them into religion early.

Quote:
Then comes their stipulations on sex and the type of sex so that people basically have to have children.


Of course. Lock them into a relationship with kids. And where do we baptize our kids? A Mormon church. Lock them into religion early and throw away the key.

Quote:
Masturbation doesn't make people into pedophiles, rapists, or sexual criminals in my opinion, at least I haven't seen any tendency as such.


I wish those sex perverts would masturbate. It would save a lot of innocent victims.

Quote:
Therefore the only reason left for the Brethren to do this is to force men to get married.


You just rolled five 6's. Yahtzee!

Quote:
Unfortunately this causes a lot of conflict when the women really don't feel the same way and desire to marry at a different time and for different reasons.


They don't take cold showers just because they're dirty.

Quote:
Perhaps it has to be this way since I know I personally wouldn't put up with a lot of the grief women cause me if it weren't for sex drive.


Men don't cause women grief? Married men know why things get chilly during football season. And I'm not talking about the weather.

Quote:
Upset yet sisters? Sorry I'm not meaning to put you down but women are like this in my experience.
They're wonderful if you're a child. Mothers are the best. Yet when you get into a romantic relationship with them, they're a real pain in the neck.


Women are a pain. Why do men stay around? Oh yeah that whole "love" thing ;)

Quote:
I don't know why this is the case, but it just is. It's up to the man to make the marriage happen and to keep it together. What makes him want to do this? When he's freed of this need, does he make marriages happen and keep them working, or does he simply tell her to hit the road because he's tired of putting up with the drama.


Isn't marriage about partnership? The wife's in it "for better or worse" too.

Quote:
I wouldn't call this a happy situation at all, but the alternative is basically for people to live single, at least men who have had similar experiences and views as my own, whiich are more than most will admit.


Men could be gay.

Quote:
Then when the children come it puts even more stress on the couple. Thankfully women start to show some of their better qualities with children and tone down the drama a bit for fear of driving the man and his support away.


Better qualities like cooking, cleaning, laundry? Where's the appreciation for the wife as a life partner. Remember that whole "love and honor" thing during the wedding? ;)

Quote:
Of course the woman stops wanting to have sex at this point, so what keeps the man around? I guess in times past he went looking elsewhere or even, took a second wife. Perhaps masturbation would be a viable solution at this point?


The sex drive stops after a few kids? How does that explain families of 12?

I would never question a women's sex drive. Being tackled by a 108 lb tennis player makes you reevaluate things....

Quote:
I'm not sure about young women but they seem to me to be less effected by it.


Women do it too! Those scented candles don't burn down on their own. (anyone catch That 70's Show Reference?)

Quote:
Regular masturbation or some sort of sexual activity that gives you a little release seems much helathier.


And you don't have to buy your hand a box of chocolates and a dozen roses either. Just moisturizer.

_________________
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07


Last edited by Bond...James Bond on Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:18 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:40 am
Posts: 1183
liz3564 wrote:
Guess what, ajax? Women have sex drives, too!



Have they confirmed this? I've heard this rumor too, but do you have any references to back up this claim?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:04 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:57 am
Posts: 2187
Location: Las Vegas, NV
SatanWasSetUp wrote:
liz3564 wrote:
Guess what, ajax? Women have sex drives, too!



Have they confirmed this? I've heard this rumor too, but do you have any references to back up this claim?


My experience is that this is completely false.

_________________
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." ~Charles Bukowski


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:13 pm 
Doctor Steuss wrote:
SatanWasSetUp wrote:
liz3564 wrote:
Guess what, ajax? Women have sex drives, too!



Have they confirmed this? I've heard this rumor too, but do you have any references to back up this claim?


My experience is that this is completely false.


Hmmm....my experience says otherwise. ;)


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:18 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:57 am
Posts: 2187
Location: Las Vegas, NV
liz3564 wrote:
Doctor Steuss wrote:
SatanWasSetUp wrote:
liz3564 wrote:
Guess what, ajax? Women have sex drives, too!



Have they confirmed this? I've heard this rumor too, but do you have any references to back up this claim?


My experience is that this is completely false.


Hmmm....my experience says otherwise. ;)

Your experience must be wrong. The only possibilities to account for my life experiences is that women do not have sex drives, or that I am hideous. Since I see pure unadulterated sexiness, and have trouble not taking advantage of myself, then women must not have sex drives.

_________________
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." ~Charles Bukowski


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:27 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:56 pm
Posts: 2829
Men only wish women had sex drives like men. Unfortunately they don't.

Most men aren't gay, and for all the grief women have caused me, I can't say I've ever been sexually attracted to a man. But guess what, you take away the male sex drive and the whole "love" thing doesn't happen at all. It's the male sex drive that makes relationships happen. The female sex drive plays a very small role in making it happen. Otherwise, women would work to get men and that just doesn't happen very often.

_________________
Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me.
Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:30 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:42 pm
Posts: 14159
Location: Koloburbia
Just remember, as Elder Monty Python said,
Quote:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

_________________
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:35 pm 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:49 pm
Posts: 4627
Location: MI6-Private Quarters
ajax18 wrote:

The female sex drive plays a very small role in making it happen. Otherwise, women would work to get men and that just doesn't happen very often.


Women don't work to get men? Have you ever seen a women's magazine. "How To Get A Man", "How to Get a Sensitive Man", "How to Get An Insensitive Man to Be Sensitive" "How to Get a Insensitive Man To Touch Your Sensitive Spots" etc. etc.... these are just a few of the titles to be found. I'd say women work harder than men in most cases.

_________________
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 5:30 pm 
Local Furry
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2006 6:44 am
Posts: 820
Location: Virtual reality Utah
Doctor Steuss wrote:
liz3564 wrote:
Doctor Steuss wrote:
SatanWasSetUp wrote:
liz3564 wrote:
Guess what, ajax? Women have sex drives, too!



Have they confirmed this? I've heard this rumor too, but do you have any references to back up this claim?


My experience is that this is completely false.


Hmmm....my experience says otherwise. ;)

Your experience must be wrong. The only possibilities to account for my life experiences is that women do not have sex drives, or that I am hideous. Since I see pure unadulterated sexiness, and have trouble not taking advantage of myself, then women must not have sex drives.


I've only had 2 partners in my life, and both gals had a much higher sex drive than i did. When allowed to experience their sexuality in a healthy manor, women are just as needy of sex as men. Possibly more in my experience. The issue comes up when women are told their entire lives to repress any sexual feelings they have, since its "bad" for women to feel that way. terribly unhealthy if you ask me.

_________________
One nice thing is, ze game of love is never called on account of darkness - Pepe Le Pew


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 179 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Yahoo [Bot] and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
Revival Theme By Brandon Designs By B.Design-Studio © 2007-2008 Brandon
Revival Theme Based off SubLite By Echo © 2007-2008 Echo
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group