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 Post subject: Re: your sexual history does matter
PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2019 7:07 pm 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
Yes. My main problem is that I do not talk to many girls in real life. I mostly just work, go home, work, go home, work, go home. I could join a club, but there are no interesting clubs around. However, I cannot explain my lack of success on dating apps. Perhaps my city is the problem. My city complete s***.

Volunteer.

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 Post subject: Re: your sexual history does matter
PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2019 7:15 pm 
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Jersey Girl wrote:
...
...
You talk about women as if they are things.

...

DT hasn't picked up on this in 6 pages...sooo

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 Post subject: Re: your sexual history does matter
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2019 9:29 pm 
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Jersey Girl wrote:
It's not your work schedule.
It's not your city.
It's not the dating apps.
It's not the lack of "good clubs".

It's you.

I have told you multiple times that you can find a therapist who would act as a life coach. That's what you need. That's exactly what you need.

You don't know how to begin a relationship.
You don't know how to end a relationship.

And all the stuff in between the beginning and the end, you don't know how to do that either.

I'm not being unkind here. I'm being truthful based on your own comments.

A therapist/life coach will help you learn how to do the beginning, the end of a relationship and all the stuff in between.

DT if there is a university in your area with a psych department, you might be able to find free group or individual therapy that is facilitated by psych students.

I know for a solid fact that in my area, there are therapy groups available that are facilitated in that exact way. Some of these groups are held evenings and weekends--after working hours.

I will do everything possible to get one. Thanks.


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 Post subject: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:54 pm 
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I suspect your income does matter to women that are not desperate to find someone. I am going to do an experiment, I am going to change my income to 60,000+ on dating apps to see what happens.

Quote:
One explanation for the declines in marriage is the putative shortage of economically attractive partners for unmarried women to marry.... These synthetic husbands have an average income that is about 58% higher than the actual unmarried men that are currently available to unmarried women. They also are 30% more likely to be employed (90% vs. 70%) and 19% more likely to have a college degree (30% vs. 25%). Racial and ethnic minorities, especially Black women, face serious shortages of potential marital partners, as do low socioeconomic status and high socioeconomic status unmarried women, both at the national and subnational levels...


https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs ... jomf.12603


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 Post subject: Re: your sexual history does matter
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:04 pm 
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Again I do appreciate your advice Jersey Girl, I will get health insurance for 2020 to find a therapist/life coach. I will let you know when it happens.


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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:32 pm 
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"do an experiment"

Limited funds is a drawback, there is absolutely no uncertainty to experiment about.

Lying about your money is a much bigger negative than limited funds. It will completely lock you out unless you are awfully charming and manipulative.(and can maintain the deception)


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 Post subject: Re: your sexual history does matter
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:53 pm 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
Again I do appreciate your advice Jersey Girl, I will get health insurance for 2020 to find a therapist/life coach. I will let you know when it happens.


You are most welcome. You're not crazy, you're just a little screwed up. Join the club!

:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 7:20 pm 
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Gad had it right. This is as blatant an attempt at forcing reality to confirm to ones preconceptions in order to hide from reality as exists. Want to reinforce the reason women won't date you is because you aren't well off while secretly knowing you aren't ready for a relationship so avoid doing the things needed to develop one that will blow up and prove you are the problem? Lying about being lower-middle class+ in a dating app sounds about right.

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:01 pm 
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honorentheos wrote:
Gad had it right. This is as blatant an attempt at forcing reality to confirm to ones preconceptions in order to hide from reality as exists. Want to reinforce the reason women won't date you is because you aren't well off while secretly knowing you aren't ready for a relationship so avoid doing the things needed to develop one that will blow up and prove you are the problem? Lying about being lower-middle class+ in a dating app sounds about right.


On Tinder I swipe right to about 90% of profile pictures and I rarely get a reply when I send a message on Match. Can you please tell me why? Perhaps because I am honest about my income. I am just tired. I never had a date with a girl from a dating app, let alone a relationship. All I want is a simple date, I am not telling women to sleep with me. Dating apps are a waste of time and money. I don't know what to do. Tell me what I am doing wrong on the dating apps. If I am not ready for a relationship how would women on the dating apps know that? I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding a girlfriend on a dating app.


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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:10 pm 
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DT, what is the last thing you did that was focused on working on you?

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:27 pm 
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honorentheos wrote:
DT, what is the last thing you did that was focused on working on you?


I am a little bit over weight, but I am losing weight right now. I think I will stop being over weight in two to three months. But I am not obese as defined by NIH. What am I doing wrong on dating apps? Why can't I get just a simple date? Is there a god punishing me? I think part of the problem is my income.


Last edited by DoubtingThomas on Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:29 pm 
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DT, what specifically is the last thing you did that was focused on working on you?

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:31 pm 
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honorentheos wrote:
DT, what specifically is the last thing you did that was focused on working on you?


Losing weight is the last thing I did.


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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:32 pm 
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I will send you a PM.


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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:37 pm 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
On Tinder I swipe right to about 90% of profile pictures and I rarely get a reply when I send a message on Match. Can you please tell me why? Perhaps because I am honest about my income. I am just tired. I never had a date with a girl from a dating app, let alone a relationship. All I want is a simple date, I am not telling women to sleep with me. Dating apps are a waste of time and money. I don't know what to do. Tell me what I am doing wrong on the dating apps. If I am not ready for a relationship how would women on the dating apps know that? I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding a girlfriend on a dating app.


I don't know how to swipe right on a Tinder. :-) But I am sure that you are creating your own obstacles, DT.

If you want a simple date (which is a great idea, by the way) you have to go out and get yourself around other folks and get to know people, not just girls either.

Get to know people and let people know you. Your income shouldn't be a big deal. There are plenty of girls and guys in the same situation and plenty of ways to date that don't cost a ton of money. When I met my boyfriend decades ago, we both had crap jobs. And we built ourselves up from there and built a life together.

If there are guys at work ask one if them if they want to grab lunch or dinner with you one day...some place cheap. ;-) And go from there.

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:41 pm 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
honorentheos wrote:
DT, what specifically is the last thing you did that was focused on working on you?


Losing weight is the last thing I did.


I have a thread stuffed away in Prison called The Score So Far...it's for exercise, weight loss, discussing ups and downs--whatever. Feel free to post there if you need ideas about weight loss or working out, reporting your successes, bitching about non-success, good food ideas...anything that has to do with wellness. You could catch some inspiration or BE the inspiration...who knows?

Look through it and see if anything looks good to you. You're welcome to post there any time. Everyone who has participated there has been supportive.

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:31 pm 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
honorentheos wrote:
DT, what specifically is the last thing you did that was focused on working on you?


Losing weight is the last thing I did.

What specifically did you do that caused you to lose weight?

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 12:10 am 
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Jersey Girl wrote:

If there are guys at work ask one if them if they want to grab lunch or dinner with you one day...some place cheap. ;-) And go from there.


At work I am not surrounded by young people that like to go out on the weekends. I am probably the only one there that doesn't have children. Most men are older and don't have time to hang out. Where I work is like a prison. Really. There is no time to go somewhere for lunch.

To meet new people I can join a club, but there is nothing interesting so far. Dating apps are really the only thing I have for the moment. Hopefully that changes in the near future. I do have plans.

Jersey Girl wrote:
If you want a simple date (which is a great idea, by the way) you have to go out and get yourself around other folks and get to know people, not just girls either. .


Where? at a bar? Do I start talking to strangers on the street?

honorentheos wrote:
What specifically did you do that caused you to lose weight?


Healthier diet and some exercise.


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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 12:23 am 
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If someone here wants to hang out let me know. We can go see a movie or go somewhere.


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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 12:43 am 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
Jersey Girl wrote:

If there are guys at work ask one if them if they want to grab lunch or dinner with you one day...some place cheap. ;-) And go from there.


At work I am not surrounded by young people that like to go out on the weekends. I am probably the only one there that doesn't have children. Most men are older and don't have time to hang out. Where I work is like a prison. Really. There is no time to go somewhere for lunch.


Bloody hell, do they EAT? :lol: Bring a dessert (get pies) in to work and pass it around! I'm telling you to make friends with the guys at work first. Then you make a guy friend and go places together.

Quote:
To meet new people I can join a club, but there is nothing interesting so far. Dating apps are really the only thing I have for the moment. Hopefully that changes in the near future. I do have plans.


Dating apps aren't working. You have to OUT get around real people.

Quote:
Jersey Girl wrote:
If you want a simple date (which is a great idea, by the way) you have to go out and get yourself around other folks and get to know people, not just girls either. .


Where? at a bar? Do I start talking to strangers on the street?


Back in the day all it took was a nickel bag, a bottle of Boones Farm and an afternoon walk around the local hippie park. :lol: Okay, I'm old...

Make a guy friend, go with the guy friend...I don't know what you have in your area.

A Riverwalk
Free concerts in a park
Mini golf
A festival downtown where they have bands and food
Go to a car show
Hike some place
Bowling
Go to a pub crawl

What am I your tour guide? :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: your wallet matters according to NEW study
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 8:06 am 
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DoubtingThomas wrote:
honorentheos wrote:
What specifically did you do that caused you to lose weight?


Healthier diet and some exercise.

More specific. What were the active actions you took, specifically to work on you?

Also, what specifically have you done last that was working on you that wasn't targeting your body or your employment?

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