FIFA announces Hell as host of 2026 World Cup

[_MeDotOrg]

This is (I'm not kidding) from The Telegraph:

Hell will host the 2026 football World Cup after a Fifa report found “no reason” to overturn the controversial underworld destination’s successful bid.

A 666-page report seen by The Telegraph concluded that Fifa had acted ethically in awarding its showpiece tournament, and suggested Lucifer be compensated with “a really nice wristwatch, one with diamonds and everything” for having been put through an “unnecessary and upsetting” grilling.

Critics had cited the soaring temperatures of fiery damnation as a major concern for a summer sporting event, and accused the damned hordes of carrying out human rights abuses. But during a “fact-finding mission”, Fifa executive committee members found Hell to be a “first-rate facility”. “I could spend an eternity here,” noted one delegate.

Fifa was particularly impressed by “Hell’s well-organised system of circles where fans can listen to vuvuzelas” and watch England take on Germany in a penalty shoot-out until the end of time. One exclusive circle will even offer comfortable spike-style seating and a chance to enjoy the Fifa biopic United Passions (starring Tim Roth as Sepp Blatter) on a loop. ITV has won the sole broadcast rights in the UK, with Andy Townsend providing analysis.

Independent research had suggested that one of principal reasons Hell was considered unsuitable was its lack of a developed football culture. In a survey of Hell residents, for example, football ranked below “teeth, gnashing of” as a pastime; but the 2026 tournament is regarded by Fifa as “the ideal opportunity to take football into new markets”.

[_SteelHead]

Funny.

[_Quasimodo]

Funny.

I've thought that actually attending a World Cup would be Hell (much like attending Mardi Gras in New Orleans... did that). Now we know.

[_SteelHead]

Hell is taking my Brazilian wife fishing on the SF of the Snake while Germany is giving the selecao its worst drubbing ever at a home match.

[_Bazooka]

Hell is taking my Brazilian wife fishing on the SF of the Snake while Germany is giving the selecao its worst drubbing ever at a home match.

How did you stop her jumping overboard?

[_Dr. Shades]

Hell is taking my Brazilian wife fishing on the SF of the Snake while Germany is giving the selecao its worst drubbing ever at a home match.

"SF of the Snake" = "South fork of the Snake river?"

[_SteelHead]

Yes. As opposed to the NF of the Snake, a.k.a. the Henry's Fork.

She didn't jump out.... But the series of names she called me and complaining I had to live with ;)