Facsimile 1 Knife in Hand

[_Bazooka]

In possession of a powerful magic, Isis with the mummified body of her deceased husband through the art of Anubis, will substitute the missing penis by some green stalks or by clay; and represented many times in this act as a hawk, she will copulate with the deceased husband through this missing penis, giving birth to their firstborn son who will become king of the world.

According to the Christ Myth, Jesus was likewise conceived in an act of copulation involving an absent penis. Jesus was also a firstborn son who likewise went on to become a king of kings.

I thought Brigham Young and others have cleared that up by explaining that God had natural sex with Mary, in the same way as we think of natural sex today, which includes a penis?

"The birth of the Saviour was as natural as are the births of our children; it was the result of natural action. He partook of flesh and blood—was begotten of his Father, as we were of our fathers," (Journal of Discourses, v. 8, p. 115).

Brigham Young also said, "Now, remember from this time forth, and for ever, that Jesus Christ was not begotten by the Holy Ghost," (Journal of Discourses, vol. 1, p. 51).

Brigham Young said, "When the time came that His first-born, the Saviour, should come into the world and take a tabernacle, the Father came Himself and favoured that spirit with a tabernacle instead of letting any other man do it. The Saviour was begotten by the Father of His spirit, by the same Being who is the Father of our spirits," (Journal of Discourses, vol. 4, 1857, p. 218).

Joseph Fielding Smith, stated

"The birth of the Savior was a natural occurrence unattended with any degree of mysticism, and the Father God was the literal parent of Jesus in the flesh as well as in the spirit," (Religious Truths Defined, p. 44, as cited in the book, Mormonism: Shadow or Reality, by Gerald and Sandra Tanner, Utah Lighthouse Ministry, P.O. Box 1884, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, bookstore at 1358 South West Temple, 1982, p. 260).

Joseph Fielding Smith said, "They tell us the Book of Mormon states that Jesus was begotten of the Holy Ghost. I challenge that statement. The Book of Mormon teaches no such thing! Neither does the Bible." (Doctrines of Salvation, vol. 1, p. 19).

Bruce McConkie, who was a member of the First Council of the Seventy stated,

"Christ was begotten by an Immortal Father in the same way that mortal men are begotten by mortal fathers," (Mormon Doctrine, 1966, p. 547).

"And Christ was born into the world as the literal Son of this Holy Being; he was born in the same personal, real, and literal sense that any mortal son is born to a mortal father. There is nothing figurative about his paternity; he was begotten, conceived and born in the normal and natural course of events,...Christ is the Son of Man, meaning that his Father (the Eternal God!) is a Holy Man." (Mormon Doctrine, by Bruce McConkie, p. 742).

Heber C. Kimball who was a member of the first presidency said,

"In relation to the way in which I look upon the works of God and his creatures, I will say that I was naturally begotten; so was my father, and also my saviour Jesus Christ. According to the Scriptures, he is the first begotten of his father in the flesh, and there was nothing unnatural about it." (Journal of Discourses, v. 8, p. 211).

"The man Joseph, the husband of Mary, did not, that we know of, have more than one wife, but Mary the wife of Joseph had another husband," (Deseret News, October 10, 1866, as cited in the book, Mormonism: Shadow or Reality, by Gerald and Sandra Tanner, Utah Lighthouse Ministry, P.O. Box 1854, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, bookstore at 1350 South West Temple, 1982, p. 261).

http://carm.org/was-lds-jesus-born-of-virgin-mary

[_The Erotic Apologist]

I thought Brigham Young and others have cleared that up by explaining that God had natural sex with Mary, in the same way as we think of natural sex today, which includes a penis?

Yes, I must concur that Elohim does indeed have a penis. Even though he's an alien from Kolob, he still has a penis. We don't know how big it is, or whether it has sharp spines (like a Klingon penis), or whether it's so small that it can only seen with the aid of a microscope (like a Vulcan penis), or whether it's a semi-prehensile tentacular organ (like a dolphin penis), or whether it's a bizarre, corkscrew-like appendage (like a porcine penis). We don't know any of these things; all we know is that Elohim does indeed posses the organ in question.

But what about the Trinity? Do the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost have penises? I think it's safe to assume the Holy Ghost does not have a penis. As a Class 5 Free Roaming Non-repeating Vapor, the Holy Ghost obviously lacks the physiological prerequisites necessary to accommodate appendages like a traditional penis. This explains why the Holy Ghost found it necessary to inseminate Mary through her auditory canal. This also brings us to the crux of the issue: Who is more likely to have knocked up Mary--the studly, virile Elohim? Or the gaseous Holy Ghost with it's off-putting ear fetish?

I must confess that after studying the issue, the answer to this question is not only self-evident, but also painfully obvious.

[_bcuzbcuz]

I thought Brigham Young and others have cleared that up by explaining that God had natural sex with Mary, in the same way as we think of natural sex today, which includes a penis?

Yes, I must concur that Elohim does indeed have a penis. Even though he's an alien from Kolob, he still has a penis. We don't know how big it is, or whether it has sharp spines (like a Klingon penis), or whether it's so small that it can only seen with the aid of a microscope (like a Vulcan penis), or whether it's a semi-prehensile tentacular organ (like a dolphin penis), or whether it's a bizarre, corkscrew-like appendage (like a porcine penis). We don't know any of these things; all we know is that Elohim does indeed posses the organ in question.

But what about the Trinity? Do the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost have penises? I think it's safe to assume the Holy Ghost does not have a penis. As a Class 5 Free Roaming Non-repeating Vapor, the Holy Ghost obviously lacks the physiological prerequisites necessary to accommodate appendages like a traditional penis. This explains why the Holy Ghost found it necessary to inseminate Mary through her auditory canal. This also brings us to the crux of the issue: Who is more likely to have knocked up Mary--the studly, virile Elohim? Or the gaseous Holy Ghost with it's off-putting ear fetish?

I must confess that after studying the issue, the answer to this question is not only self-evident, but also painfully obvious.

Does God get junk mail asking him if he wants a bigger penis?

[_The Erotic Apologist]

Does God get junk mail asking him if he wants a bigger penis?

Probably. Do you think God might be unsatisfied with His penis size?

[_Quasimodo]

Does God get junk mail asking him if he wants a bigger penis?

I'm sure he gets spam emails for cheap Viagra.

[_bcuzbcuz]

Does God get junk mail asking him if he wants a bigger penis?

I'm sure he gets spam emails for cheap Viagra.

He's gotta know the formula, since he knows eveything. Would he be infringing on a copyright if he made his own?