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 Post subject: Looking for a snappy answer
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:22 pm 
Savior (mortal ministry)

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I’m retiring soon and, living in Utah, I get asked all the time “Are you going on a mission?” I’m looking for a snappy, slightly snippy, but not snarky- answer. I don’t want to say just “no” or even “heck no.”

Any suggestions?


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:34 pm 
God
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"I've already paid my Celestial Kingdom entry dues in spades!"


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:21 pm 
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RockSlider wrote:
"I've already paid my Celestial Kingdom entry dues in spades!"

LOL!

I love it! Rock’s answer is much better than mine, which would be “Hell, no!”

:wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:42 pm 
God
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If you don't want to be rude, you could just hit 'em with the:

"I'm going to [insert dream retirement destination]"

It is ambiguous enough that they might assume you are serving a mission there. This only works in drive-by scenarios where no further elaboration would be needed.

My wife used to always tell people she served her mission in {insert city where we met} since we dated for about 18 months and I converted part way through that time frame.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:18 pm 
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Q: "Are you going on a mission?"
A: "I want to, but I can't find anyone to pay for it. Are you willing to step up to the plate?"

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:02 pm 
God
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deacon blues wrote:
I’m retiring soon and, living in Utah, I get asked all the time “Are you going on a mission?” I’m looking for a snappy, slightly snippy, but not snarky- answer. I don’t want to say just “no” or even “heck no.”

Any suggestions?


Tell them you're too old to enlist.

- Doc


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 8:34 am 
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Say, “Yes I am! I’ve been called to [insert dream retirement here].” Where dream retirement is whatever it is you actually want to do.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:31 am 
God

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Tell them you are already on a mission to have the best life in representing a retired member who is honest..joyful..and retired. You deserve it!! I may be in touch with you...I am going to retire in March and i can't find any SS Office that will help me get started ....I write..no replies...what do I do first????


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:15 pm 
Savior (mortal ministry)

Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:51 pm
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I was going to say I feel called to write the definitive critical history of the Church. Or: my wife is going on a mission to Nauvoo, and I’m going to work at the Christian bookstore on Parley street.


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:01 pm 
Savior (mortal ministry)

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I got a pretty good one: I tell people I’m forming a think tank called “So-Called Intellectuals of Utah.”


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 2:01 pm 
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“No, my wife and I are saving up for a boat.” :cry:

Also works if people ask why a young couple doesn’t have kids.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 2:27 pm 
God

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Dr. Shades wrote:
Q: "Are you going on a mission?"
A: "I want to, but I can't find anyone to pay for it. Are you willing to step up to the plate?"

I like this one the best, but you have to dress it up with some Wasatch front, true blue, passive aggressive body language and words:

"Are you going on a mission?"

[with a slight but clearly audible catch in the throat, whirl around and clutch the person's arm]
"Oh thank you, thank you so much!!"

[upon seeing the confusion on the questioner's face, allow a tear or two to well up in your eyes]
"I knew my prayers would be answered (sob), just this morning I asked God to guide me to that one Celestial soul...who would...(sob again) pay for me to serve God in all his glory!

[as the other person begins to object, grasp their arm briskly and as you walk them to the Bishop's office to begin the financial paperwork, begin to chat conspiratorily....]

"Of course, I will also need to get an entirely new wardrobe-Hey! Let's go Thursday! I would pay of course, but I recently sinned and bought a full resortwear line of entirely inappropriate clothing, but I did pray to God for forgiveness--and look! Here you are! That's how I know I am forgiven for spending ALL that money, God has sent me YOU! Do you have a Nordstrom's credit card? Of course I WILL need to get a full check up and do some dental work so I can be in the best of health to serve the Lord--who is your dentist? Or you could just add me to your plan for a couple of years--that would probably be best since God has clearly called upon you to serve this mission with me, at least in the financial sense...........(etc etc etc.)]
[end scene.]

Of course that person may never speak to you again, but at least you won't have to hear that question:
"Are you going on a mission?"


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:07 pm 
God

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deacon blues wrote:
I’m retiring soon and, living in Utah, I get asked all the time “Are you going on a mission?” I’m looking for a snappy, slightly snippy, but not snarky- answer. I don’t want to say just “no” or even “heck no.”

Any suggestions?


“I keep praying for an answer to that one, but all I’m getting back is that I should take another wife...”

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 2:32 am 
Teacher
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Location: Miami, FL
I have a question wrote:
deacon blues wrote:
I’m retiring soon and, living in Utah, I get asked all the time “Are you going on a mission?” I’m looking for a snappy, slightly snippy, but not snarky- answer. I don’t want to say just “no” or even “heck no.”

Any suggestions?


“I keep praying for an answer to that one, but all I’m getting back is that I should take another wife...”

This one is gold. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:33 am 
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Chuck Finley wrote:
“No, my wife and I are saving up for a boat.” :cry:

Also works if people ask why a young couple doesn’t have kids.

With all due gratitude to Lemmie, I think this one is the best. PURE GOLD!

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:20 pm 
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Chuck Finley wrote:
“No, my wife and I are saving up for a boat.” :cry:

Also works if people ask why a young couple doesn’t have kids.


+1

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 6:20 pm 
Teacher
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Ha! I only just noticed that I inadvertently included the crying emoji in my response. Please note that was an errant click, not part of the witty response I propose.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 3:31 am 
God
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Analytics wrote:
Say, “Yes I am! I’ve been called to [insert dream retirement here].”

"I've been called to the Risan Mission in the Alpha Quadrant and this Horga'hn will be my missionary companion."

Wonder if that might stir the missionary desire for other retirees?

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answerI
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:34 pm 
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moksha wrote:
Analytics wrote:
Say, “Yes I am! I’ve been called to [insert dream retirement here].”

"I've been called to the Risan Mission in the Alpha Quadrant and this Horga'hn will be my missionary companion."

Wonder if that might stir the missionary desire for other retirees?

You are such a nerd... But that's okay because so am I.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answer
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:36 pm 
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Also, wouldn't it be the "Alpha Risa" Mission, given the LDS church's odd practice of inverting the place names?

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a snappy answer
PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:03 pm 
God
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How about this?

Look around like you want to make sure no one can hear you. Lower your voice and say:

"Sister Blues and I have received our second anointing, so we really don't need to do anymore church work."

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