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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:10 pm 
God
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The reason that Mormon women are so upset to discover that men touch themselves is because they have been indoctrinated to believe it is evil and sinful and has meaning that it just doesn't have. The ones that are the most shocked and horrified are probably the ones that the church has had the most success in repressing sexually. The church vilifies natural and healthy sexuality.

Seeing as 95% of men masturbate at some point in their life this really should not be some shocking reveal. It certainly shouldn't be shameful.

Why Me, I haven't answered you because you give me the creeps.

I do not control my H. I don't give a flying fork what he does solo.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:11 pm 
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why me wrote:
Runtu wrote:

How do most people feel if their spouse is having a fantasy about a third person?


There was a time when I was afraid my wife might be having a fantasy about someone else. Why? Becasue I was a jealous hypocrite having fantasies about someone else. .....then I got over it.

Fantasy fuels the energy needed to achieve the orgasm. If you are not having orgasms it might be becasue you need some good fantasy material to work with. I think this is more especially true of women than men since most of them need help outside of coitus to achieve orgasm. They need something exciting to think about while their clitoris is getting worked over.


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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:14 pm 
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why me wrote:
Zelder wrote:

edit: The only thing I can figure here is that the church succeeded in suppressing your wife's sexuality and she is a prude who never has orgasms. Now you live in a neurotic and insecure marriage.


So, your wife would not mind you having a masturbation fantasy of the brunette you saw on the street? And you wouldn't mind her having a masturbation fantasy about the sexy waiter that waited on you both?


Not only would she not mind but she would probably want the details. Me on the other hand I don't get particularly excited about such things but I'm not going to worry about it either. She is allowed to be every bit as human as me.


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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:18 pm 
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why me wrote:
Runtu wrote:
How do most people feel if their spouse is having a fantasy about a third person? I am sure that it would not be good or positive in responses from the other spouse.


A lot of people feel great when their spouse is thinking about such things. This is why so many people swing, they actually want to share. I think you would be surprised to find out how many people are not insecure prudes both in and out of the church.


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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:21 pm 
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just me wrote:

I do not control my H. I don't give a flying fork what he does solo.


Well, then there is no problem. If you don't mind that he is having a fantasy about another woman while he masturbates, then it is not a problem. However, the problem comes when the fantasy becomes a reality. And that does happen too. And this is why that it needs to be talked about and not ignored. Some women feel inadequate when they discover this and that is not good.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:27 pm 
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Dr. Shades,

Can you please delete this thread?

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:28 pm 
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why me wrote:
just me wrote:

I do not control my H. I don't give a flying fork what he does solo.


Well, then there is no problem. If you don't mind that he is having a fantasy about another woman while he masturbates, then it is not a problem. However, the problem comes when the fantasy becomes a reality. And that does happen too. And this is why that it needs to be talked about and not ignored. Some women feel inadequate when they discover this and that is not good.


Exactly. It's not the sex act that hurts marriages; it's the love, the communication, the trust etc that matter.


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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:29 pm 
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zeezrom wrote:
Dr. Shades,

Can you please delete this thread?


Why? This is a good thread!


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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:30 pm 
God
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I don't want that guy in here.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:33 pm 
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zeezrom wrote:
Dr. Shades,

Can you please delete this thread?


Maybe that is a good idea. I showed that there are women out there that don't like their husband masturbating and that a discussion is necessary before she finds out. Doctor Oz answered one woman's concern. It is never so simple to just blame the church for everything. This could have been a good thread if it wasn't a just blame the church kind of thread. You did a good job in talking with your wife and she didn't have a problem with it. But there could have been.

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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:35 pm 
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why me wrote:
Maybe that is a good idea. I showed that there are women out there that don't like their husband masturbating and that a discussion is necessary before she finds out. Doctor Oz answered one woman's concern. It is never so simple to just blame the church for everything. This could have been a good thread if it wasn't a just blame the church kind of thread. You did a good job in talking with your wife and she didn't have a problem with it. But there could have been.


I think the church teaches a warped and unhealthy view of sexuality. Am I supposed to just remain silent because you think I shouldn't "blame the church"? I don't blame the church for me being screwed up, though I recognize the part it played.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:37 pm 
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zeezrom wrote:
I don't want that guy in here.


I gave two links where it was a problem. And the advice was good. I don't see where i was wrong. It is never so simple. People react in different ways when they discover the spouse in a solo act. It can ruin a marriage. And this has nothing to do with the LDS church. It has to do with being human and our reactions to surprises that we may not want to be surprised about.

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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:41 pm 
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Masturbation doesn't ruin marriages.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:44 pm 
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Runtu wrote:

I think the church teaches a warped and unhealthy view of sexuality. Am I supposed to just remain silent because you think I shouldn't "blame the church"? I don't blame the church for me being screwed up, though I recognize the part it played.


I cannot comment about you personally runtu. It is not my place. But I do understand where you are coming from. But other people have had different experiences than you. And that is my point too.

I can look into my past and place a blame here or there. We all can. But I try to keep positive about it. And I am not just talking about sex.

I have said it before that being a young adult in New York City was exciting. And certainly sex was to be had in various parts of city life. But I controled myself and did the Mormon lay and I was fortunate enough to have good Mormon women friends where we talked about sexuality.

And maybe it saved my life or prevented me from getting herpes which at that time was very unknown. Snce I went to NYU near greenwich village, many people I walked by in 1977, were dead by 1985. And it didn't matter if one was gay, straight or bi. So, should I complain about chasity?

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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:47 pm 
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just me wrote:
Masturbation doesn't ruin marriages.


It can as I demonstrated by the links I provided. Fortunately, the people who were concerned got good advice from experts. But there are many who do not. And yes, just me there are women who would be offended if their husbands were masturbating to playboy or as in the doctor oz case, a lingerie magazine.

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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:51 pm 
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why me wrote:

you wouldn't mind her having a masturbation fantasy about the sexy waiter that waited on you both?

No problem.
I am very very disappointed and worried by the fact that my wife does not seem to masturbate.
If I could increase the number of sexual fantasies in her head, I would.

I would only be worried if she lost interest in me sexually. But if that happened I suspect the problem might be on my side.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:51 pm 
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why me wrote:
So, your wife would not mind you having a masturbation fantasy of the brunette you saw on the street? And you wouldn't mind her having a masturbation fantasy about the sexy waiter that waited on you both?

I've never had the delusion that I could control my wife's thoughts.

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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:54 pm 
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Ok, I need a shower!!

Some people (why me) are too well versed in all of this.

EWWWWWW


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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:54 pm 
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zeezrom wrote:
I don't want that guy in here.


And zee, I did you a favor. I took the thread away from you and brought it into a general discussion. You actually should thank me. Unless of course, you want this thread to be only about you and masturbation.

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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:56 pm 
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Tarski wrote:
But if that happened I suspect the problem might be on my side.


Self blame? That would be like a woman blaming herself for her husband's cheating. Not good. Statements like yours are usually said without thinking. And that is okay. It is a message board.

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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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 Post subject: Re: Just One More: When did you break it to Dear Wife that y
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:58 pm 
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hobo1512 wrote:
Some people (why me) are too well versed in all of this.

That is true. But you don't need a shower. Just read and learn.

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I intend to lay a foundation that will revolutionize the whole world.
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We are “to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all…”
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