Well, well, well!
A guy leaves town for a few days, and all kinds of fun gets missed!
At any rate, after a top-secret meeting with two handsome gentlemen with impeccable tastes and intimate connections to people in high places (hint: I’m the one with the pronounced pot belly and pumpkin head):
I then headed to this beautiful locale:
Where, armed with my vintage Winchester Model 71:
I slew the mighty buck (hint: I’m the one with the pronounced pot belly and pumpkin head):
Only to return and discover (as I had been previously apprised by a “secret informant”) that, in my absence, I have been challenged to a duel of manhood:
I would like to offer a proposal of sorts. Where could you and I meet in order to test our mettle?
My proposal: We link up at a gym, don some gear, and go at it. MMA, boxing, martial arts... Whatever... It's all allowed.
If you beat me into submission, you get to gloat to your heart's content. If I beat you into submission, you have to apologize, personally, to every female you've insulted on this board, and never insult them again.
Hearing of this quasi-effete metrosexual proposition, I naturally (as is my won't) opted to raise the stakes considerably, with a counter-proposal of a bona fide duel
, employing the tools of true gentlemen:
Or, if my would-be foe is reluctant to risk his life for mere honor, I will consent (along with my trusty steed, Jonah
), to a formal joust:
I anxiously await the reply to my manly proposition.