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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:29 am 
God
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why me wrote:
Jason Bourne wrote:

I am dealing with it now with my last child that is entering adolescence. And I think I choose not to share how I am dealing with it because I am sure I will be trounced upon by some if I do. Leave it at this. I do not teach that it is a grevious sin.

And that is a smart move on your part. I don't think that it is a grevious sin. But I suppose that it can get at of hand. There needs to be a limit to masturbation or, it will rule young life.


Oh please. Maybee if you actually looked at the matter objectively you would realise that restraining masturbation causes sexual dysfunction.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:29 am 
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Zakuska wrote:
Spilling it on the floor makes God mad.


Do I have to start singing "Every sperm is sacred" now?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:54 pm 
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No... Just don't spill it on the floor. How many die in Battle so just one can make it? And what of all the Barren women?


Last edited by Zakuska on Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:55 pm 
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Jason Bourne wrote:
I am dealing with it now with my last child that is entering adolescence. And I think I choose not to share how I am dealing with it because I am sure I will be trounced upon by some if I do. Leave it at this. I do not teach that it is a grevious sin.

Our Neighbor gave his son a stuffed animal.

Poor Teddy! :ROFL:

I once read on a List of the Top 10 dirtiest Jobs... Number one was "Barnyard Masterbator".


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:57 pm 
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I think that we agree more than we disaree. But I don't think that masturbation is something that just comes naturally. It needs to be taught before it can be experienced.



uhhhhhhh... without any nitty gritty I can assure you when I was a wee lad I was not taught how to masturbate. I figured it out all on my own and was quite surprised the fist time it ended up in a.... well... you know. I can recall thinking "Wow!!! What just happened. Whatever it was it felt pretty good!"


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 3:20 pm 
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Zakuska wrote:
Spilling it on the floor makes God mad.


If you are referring to the story of Onan, then you are misreading that story. God is angered due to Onan's coitus interruptus, not his "masturbation."


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 8:38 pm 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
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why me wrote:
I think that we agree more than we disaree. But I don't think that masturbation is something that just comes naturally. It needs to be taught before it can be experienced.


I'd say quite a few people learn naturally (meaning experimentation) without being taught by anyone.

Talk about a workshop for middle schoolers, "Masturbation: Techniques and Tricks to Get Your Kicks".

Quote:
And as far as becoming a masturbating bear even when married, I do think that this is possible and it can compete inside a marriage, especially if one is addicted to masturbation.


I think it's something that can stand alongside sex to bring fulfillment to the relationship. Some people (particularly women) can't orgasm through regular sex.

Quote:
Hwever, masturbation is normally a solitary act and in this, it does not add to connection but lessens it. Is it natural? Well, I suppose that it isn't unnatural. But as one older man told me once.: 'Why me, I have found that after one has masturbated, the sense of loneliness is still there'. True enough.


It's a secondary alternative (can I say that again: IT'S AN UNWANTED SECONDARY ALTERNATIVE) but it is an alternative for young kids who shouldn't be having sex with another. It's also a way to get pleasure that some people can't get through other sexual means.

I'd tell the older guy, "You may be lonely, but as long as you can five digit fornicate you're never alone :)"

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 8:11 am 
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:20 am 
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And when you spell it wrong, it hurts even worse!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:23 am 
Dr. Shades wrote:
And when you spell it wrong, it hurts even worse!


LOL!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:19 pm 
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Jason Bourne wrote:
Quote:
I think that we agree more than we disaree. But I don't think that masturbation is something that just comes naturally. It needs to be taught before it can be experienced.



uhhhhhhh... without any nitty gritty I can assure you when I was a wee lad I was not taught how to masturbate. I figured it out all on my own and was quite surprised the fist time it ended up in a.... well... you know. I can recall thinking "Wow!!! What just happened. Whatever it was it felt pretty good!"


Thanks jason, that was the funniest thing I've read all day!!!!
P.S. Thanks for not getting into the nitty gritty. ;0

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:29 pm 
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Really this whole subject of masturbation being debated or whatever you wanna call it is kind of comical to me. I raised two boys and I'm sure (ok I know) they did it, but it is a very normal thing.
I think I might have been worried if they didn't do it! :0
In nursing school they even prepared us for situations that may arise where we would have to deal with these things and unfortunately I did a few times. We were told just because someone is 60-90 and in a nursing home, don't think they are too old for sex with other residents or masturbation. However, the resident who used Barbie Dolls did creep me out. It was well known not to pick up his hankies w/o gloves! Not that I would anyways.
My motto? ALWAYS knock 1st!!!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 7:58 pm 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
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Dr. Shades wrote:
And when you spell it wrong, it hurts even worse!


Hee Hee.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:24 am 
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Jason Bourne wrote:
Quote:
I think that we agree more than we disaree. But I don't think that masturbation is something that just comes naturally. It needs to be taught before it can be experienced.



uhhhhhhh... without any nitty gritty I can assure you when I was a wee lad I was not taught how to masturbate. I figured it out all on my own and was quite surprised the fist time it ended up in a.... well... you know. I can recall thinking "Wow!!! What just happened. Whatever it was it felt pretty good!"

I suppose you are right. If a lad has a fixation in pulling his silly putty, I am sure that eventually something will happen. :=)


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 2:00 pm 
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why me wrote:
Jason Bourne wrote:
Quote:
I think that we agree more than we disaree. But I don't think that masturbation is something that just comes naturally. It needs to be taught before it can be experienced.



uhhhhhhh... without any nitty gritty I can assure you when I was a wee lad I was not taught how to masturbate. I figured it out all on my own and was quite surprised the fist time it ended up in a.... well... you know. I can recall thinking "Wow!!! What just happened. Whatever it was it felt pretty good!"

I suppose you are right. If a lad has a fixation in pulling his silly putty, I am sure that eventually something will happen. :=)



Well it was not a fixation at all. It just happened and was really quite innocent.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:08 pm 
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Bond...James Bond wrote:
twinkie wrote:
LOL you people are killing me. I don't mean "you people" in any derogatory sense, either.

Seriously, does the church talk to people about masturbation?


Does anyone have a link to the Packer speech on "little factories"?

Edit: I think this is the little factory speech.

http://www.lds-mormon.com/only.shtml

part of the speech:

Quote:
I wish to explain something that will help you understand your young manhood and help you develop self-control. When this power begins to form, it might be likened to having a little factory in your body, one designed to produce the product that can generate life.

This little factory moves quietly into operation as a normal and expected pattern of growth and begins to produce the lifegiving substance. It will do so perhaps as long as you live. It works very slowly. That is the way it should be. For the most part, unless you tamper with it, you will hardly be aware that it is working at all.

As you move closer to manhood, this little factory will sometimes produce an oversupply of this substance. The Lord has provided a way for that to be released. It will happen without any help or without any resistance from you. Perhaps, one night you will have a dream. In the course of it the release valve that controls the factory will open and release all that is excess.

The factory and automatic release work on their own schedule. The Lord intended it to be that way. It is to regulate itself. This will not happen very often. You may go a longer period of time, and there will be no need for this to occur. When it does, you should not feel guilty. It is the nature of young manhood and is part of becoming a man.

There is; however, something you should not do. Sometimes a young man does not understand. Perhaps he is encouraged by unwise or unworthy companions to tamper with that factory. He might fondle himself and open that release valve. This you shouldn't do, for if you do that, the little factory will speed up. You will then be tempted again and again to release it. You can quickly be subjected to a habit, one that is not worthy, one that will leave you feeling depressed and feeling guilty. Resist that temptation. Do not be guilty of tampering or playing with this sacred power of creation. Keep it in reserve for the time when it can be righteously employed.


I just read the 1st page of this thread and thought I was going to die I laughed so hard. This was the best! I wish i had it when my sons were about 15, they would have thought I flipped. I always joked with them and we were pretty open about most everything. This would have been funto give them and wait to see the look on their faces (if I could have kept a straight face). My nephew is almost 14, wonder if I should have some fun embarrassing the crap out of him? Hummmm, I have til April 16th to decide--maybe I'll see if my son will do it?

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:22 pm 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
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Julie wrote:

I just read the 1st page of this thread and thought I was going to die I laughed so hard. This was the best! I wish i had it when my sons were about 15, they would have thought I flipped. I always joked with them and we were pretty open about most everything. This would have been funto give them and wait to see the look on their faces (if I could have kept a straight face). My nephew is almost 14, wonder if I should have some fun embarrassing the crap out of him? Hummmm, I have til April 16th to decide--maybe I'll see if my son will do it?


I like this thread too. We're good at doing what we can do well.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:56 pm 
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What would this thread on Boyd K. Packer and wanking be without applicable illustrations?

ENJOY!

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image



And for those still attending and partaking of the nasty soft warm broken SACrament bread:


Image


Last edited by Polygamy Porter on Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:58 pm 
He-Who-Has-Not-Sinned (Recently)
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The thread is now complete! Polygamy Porter has weighed in!!

Off the record: Since Hinckley is still breathing and not married, do we have an estimate on the number of times a day he lets the dirty water out of the dam?

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:00 pm 
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Bond...James Bond wrote:
The thread is now complete! Polygamy Porter has weighed in!!

Off the record: Since Hinckley is still breathing and not married, do we have an estimate on the number of times a lets the dirty water out of the dam?
At his age it is probably dust

paaaaaaaah! paaaaaah! pafffft!

Sides' he had this to help keep sister Rosie Palm upstairs..

[IMAGE DELETED]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Once again, there's a difference between "Telestial" and "pornographic." If you must post images of female nudity, please do so only in PMs to Dr. Shades, not to the board itself.

Thanks in advance.]


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:04 pm 
God

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One last Slammer for the boys in suits:

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