It is currently Mon Oct 22, 2018 10:29 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 63 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2018 10:45 am 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Mittens wrote:
I agree with Joseph Smith back in 1835 when he taught God the Father was a personage of spirit


Do personages of spirits have a backside?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks crack?

Do personages of spirits have a hole in the buttocks crack?

Well? Do they?

Personages of spirits have a mouth and when they open them there is a hole and a throat too if you look inside. So, who is to say they don't have a hole in their spiritual buttocks crack? Well, who is to say they don't?

Mittens, are you going to have a hole in your buttocks crack when you're resurrected? Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

I have more questions.

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2018 10:38 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:42 pm
Posts: 19349
Location: Koloburbia
Shulem wrote:
Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

Shulem, say you were acting this out as part of an audition, what would be your motivation for asking? Would you immerse yourself in this role?

_________________
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 6:27 am 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
moksha wrote:
Shulem wrote:
Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

Shulem, say you were acting this out as part of an audition, what would be your motivation for asking? Would you immerse yourself in this role?


Every Latter-day Saint deserves to know if their Father in Heaven has an asshole. There is no hiding it behind his ____ white robe. Let's see the goods, Heavenly Father. Drop your ____ robe and let your children see what an asshole you have!

(This is because Shades put this thread down in telestial when it should have been left in terrestrial. Bad judgment call on his part, I think.)

Hey, Shades. Question. When you were a believing member of the church did it ever cross your mind whether your Father in Heaven had an asshole? If so, what was your opinion on the matter?

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 7:57 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:02 pm
Posts: 6477
I thought the big question was, does he have a belly button.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 11:24 am 
God

Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:07 pm
Posts: 1086
Location: Vancouver Washington
Shulem wrote:
Mittens wrote:
I agree with Joseph Smith back in 1835 when he taught God the Father was a personage of spirit


Do personages of spirits have a backside?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks?

Do personages of spirits have a buttocks crack?

Do personages of spirits have a hole in the buttocks crack?

Well? Do they?

Personages of spirits have a mouth and when they open them there is a hole and a throat too if you look inside. So, who is to say they don't have a hole in their spiritual buttocks crack? Well, who is to say they don't?

Mittens, are you going to have a hole in your buttocks crack when you're resurrected? Are you prepared to drop your robe and let others inspect your crack to see if there is a hole?

I have more questions.



Joseph Fielding Smith answers your question :lol:


Selections from Answers to Gospel Questions
Taken from the writings of Joseph Fielding Smith
Tenth President of Mormonism
A course Study for the Melchizedek Priesthood Quorums
1972-73

Lesson 6 page 39

It was Jesus who gave commandments to Adam after he was driven out of the Garden of Eden and who directed Enoch and Noah before the flood. It was Christ who named Abraham and made him that through his posterity all nations would be blessed. He, it was who called Moses to lead Isreal out of Egypt and who wrote with his fingers on the tables of stone. He had no body until he was born in Bethlehem.

_________________
Justice = Getting what you deserve
Mercy = Not getting what you deserve
Grace = Getting what you can never deserve


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 2:50 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Mittens wrote:
:lol:


Book of Mormon wrote:
Behold, this body, which ye now behold, is the body of my spirit; and man have I created after the body of my spirit; and even as I appear unto thee to be in the spirit will I appear unto my people in the flesh


Joseph Fielding Smith wrote:
So the Savior showed to the Brother of Jared his entire body just as it would appear when he dwelt among men in the flesh


Asshole.

Mittens, if I didn't know better, I'd say you are Heavenly Father's asshole. You most assuredly are a piece of ____ ____.

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 9:33 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 2:19 pm
Posts: 10945
Location: Multiverse
Yes. God has a penis, too. All is revealed in this book.

Oh, and God is dead. Sorry.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IWTRB3A/re ... TF8&btkr=1

_________________
You have made this ludicrous assertion about Israelite religion in the New World. Produce one shred of non-faith based evidence to prove it. --Philip Jenkins


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2018 6:26 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Maksutov wrote:
Yes. God has a penis, too.


Undoubtedly every single Latter-day Saint man who anticipates a glorious celestial resurrection expects to have their penis restored as a vital working part of their eternal body. But do these men also anticipate having an anus too? Obviously, the anus is an important part of the human body, so why wouldn't they have a resurrected anus and enjoy the pleasures of prostate stimulation?

These are valid questions of which I don't think Latter-day Saint men appreciate one bit. All this I suppose has gone over the heads of the prophets because they have not spoken on this matter. Then again, the prophets don't ever speak much about anything other than the same old regurgitated gospel ____ that members of the church are spoon fed year after year.

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 1:59 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Heavenly Father will now remove his robe, strip naked, and show all his children that he still has a crack in his ass.

Image

The honor be the the Father, the Son, and the Holy Asshole. Amen

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 8:10 am 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Behold, I am God the Father. I have a resurrected, glorified, and perfected asshole. Would you like one too?

Image

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:57 pm 
CTR B
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 9:16 am
Posts: 147
Maksutov wrote:
Yes. God has a penis, too. All is revealed in this book.

Oh, and God is dead. Sorry.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IWTRB3A/re ... TF8&btkr=1

Of course, if anyone, He would have a priesthood antenna.

p.s. is that book as awesome as it sounds?

_________________
"Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” - Mark Twain


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:56 am 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Image

Mormons have their heads in the clouds. They attest how glorious it will be to have a celestial resurrection and yet how many seriously ask themselves if Heavenly Father has an anus and perhaps more importantly whether they expect to have an anus? The whole idea of physical resurrection in Mormon heaven is nothing but fantasy, an alleged idea. Mormons fail to wrap their heads around such things and refuse to reason and speculate what they expect in a resurrection. It's all a mystery to them, clouded in mystery.

Stupid Mormons.

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 7:29 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
Revelation from Dr. President Russell M. Nelson

Image

God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ have glorified assholes.

Their penises also have holy holes in them.

Without a hole, what's the point?

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 9:59 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 12:12 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Utah County
So, if god has an asshole, then it must be for a reason. We all know what that reason is. Than, to the next question: What about toilet paper? Who makes this stuff in heaven? Do they have trees and loggers that cut the trees down and send them to a mill? And are there mills that turn wood into paper? If this is the case, then so the trees that were killed in heaven to make toilet paper for god get re-eserected? What about the loggers and mill workers. Are they telestal servants? Is this like a chruch calling? How does all of this fit together?


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:38 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 5:02 am
Posts: 16802
Of course he has an anus. His ____ doesn't stink, either. And his throne? It's gold and He likes to ____ post on His iStone while taking a perfect crap that doesn't require toilet paper. It only follows that the exalted man can't get any peace what with hundreds of wives and millions of mouths to feed.

- Doc


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2018 9:15 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:53 am
Posts: 4033
Location: Oregon
Shulem Telestial Kingdom threads kick ass. No pun intended

_________________
"Jesus gave us the gospel, but Satan invented church. It takes serious evil to formalize faith into something tedious and then pile guilt on anyone who doesn’t participate enthusiastically." - Robert Kirby

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. -- Henry Lawson


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:47 pm 
God

Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:43 pm
Posts: 12715
Doctor CamNC4Me wrote:
Of course he has an anus. His ____ doesn't stink, either. And his throne? It's gold and He likes to ____ post on His iStone while taking a perfect crap that doesn't require toilet paper. It only follows that the exalted man can't get any peace what with hundreds of wives and millions of mouths to feed.

- Doc


I heard he poops ice-cream.

_________________
42


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 8:54 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:10 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:24 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 6:07 pm 
Son of Perdition
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:48 pm
Posts: 7502
[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: Nothing pornographic, please. This forum may be Rated NC-17, but it's not rated X.]

_________________
SECOND TOKEN OF THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD (Telestial Forum thread)

Be sure to check back for changes, updates, and additions


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 63 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
Revival Theme By Brandon Designs By B.Design-Studio © 2007-2008 Brandon
Revival Theme Based off SubLite By Echo © 2007-2008 Echo
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group