mentalgymnast wrote:Jonah wrote:I remember glancing over at Asay who was nodding his head when the words, “You sons of bitches” escaped my lips. I followed that up with, “I’m done. I’m outta here.
mentalgymnast wrote:That sort of experience can have life changing effects in some cases. Do you feel like the outcome...as time went on...was positive in your case?
It is hard to say what the outcome was in my case without seeing what the outcome would have been had I stayed. I have heard a lot of RM’s who regretted going on their missions and a lot who didn’t. I have no regrets (other than not learning a language) in walking off of mine. After that, life happened and it is what it is.
Because of the treatment I faced coming home by my parents/family, I have a huge soft spot in my heart for early returned missionaries. When I hear stories of missionaries wanting to come home but are fearful in doing so, I relive my nightmare all over again. I wish I could hug them, and hold them, and tell them that they are good. I would tell them that when they felt there was nobody in the world in their corner…I would be there. My experience was 40 years ago, yet as I am sitting here typing this…tears are streaming down my face.
mentalgymnast wrote:Would you have done it any other way as you think back on it?
Life changing effects…hmmmm…yeah I would say so. I was born into the church and through my high school years it could be said that I was an exemplary example of what a Mormon youth should be. Other than not going on my mission in the first place, or once there, NOT going in to confess to the MTC Prez…I don’t think I would have done things differently.
My MTC experience did open my eyes to a few things though. I realized that my church leaders could not be trusted, realized that even the elite were “just men” with NO special powers…ESPECIALLY when it came to discernment. I also realized that they would not allow empathy or even common decency to get in the way of their agenda.
Even so, I stuck with the church for another 20 years afterwards because I felt the “church” was perfect, therefore the problem was with me. I did everything I was supposed to and lived the typical TBM life. It felt like I was on a one-way street as I wasn’t feeling the “joy”, or the “spirit” , or the “fulfillment of the gospel” that I was told I would. I gave it my best, and it didn’t work for me. Now that I have been out for nearly 20 years, I can honestly look back and say that my very worst days I experience being outside of the church are better than the very best days I experienced while in.