Hilarious! Whackjob Stories That Some Mormons Take Seriously

[_DarkHelmet]

Satan and the Logan Temple President
Temple President Merrill encounters the Devil, who threatens to stop the temple work from being done.
(Excerpt from "Logan Temple: The First 100 Years)
http://www.moroni10.com/mormon_history/logan-temple-devil.html

Logan Temple President Marriner W. Merrill was sitting in his office one morning in the early 1890's when he heard a commotion outside. Stepping to the window, he saw a great congregation of people coming up the temple hill, some on foot, and others on horseback and in carriages. President Merrill's first thought was, "What will we do with so many people? If we fill every room in the temple, it will not begin to hold them all."

The riders tied their horses up at the hitching posts or turned them loose on the temple corrals, and walked complacently about the front grounds, without seeming to have much purpose in mind. They were rather an odd looking group, and were dressed quite shabbily.

They made no effort to enter the temple, so President Merrill went out to greet them and see what he could do for the group. He said to their leader: "Who are you, and who are these people who have taken possession of the temple grounds unannounced?"

He answered: "I am Satan, and these are my people." Brother Merrill asked: "What do you want, and why have you come here?" Satan replied: "I don't like what is being done in the Logan Temple and have come to stop it." That was a bit of a shock to President Merrill, and he answered: "No, we will not stop it. This is the work of the Lord and must go on. You know that you or any one else can not stop the work of the Lord."

"If you refuse to stop it, I will tell you what I propose to do," the adversary said. "I will scatter this congregation of people throughout these valleys, and we will keep people from coming to the temple. We will whisper in their ears and discourage them from attending the temple. This will stop your temple work."

President Merrill then used the power of his priesthood and commanded Satan and his followers to depart from holy ground. He said that within four or five minutes there was not a person, horse or buggy in sight. They just disappeared into thin air and were gone.

Then for the next ten or twelve years we could have closed the Logan Temple, for very little work was accomplished. In one full year, the number of endowments done totaled only 5,121, while in our day we have done, 3,064 in one day. Where all ordinances for the year equaled but 20,110, today we have done 15,456 in one day, and a total of 1,808,265 for the full year.

Christian L. Olsen lived only a half mile from the temple, and he said any time he said out loud that he was going to the temple, something happened to keep him away. One evening he said to the boys: "Tomorrow we will finish grinding out molasses, and then I'd like to spend a week in the temple." The mill was operating perfectly that evening, but the next morning the main wheel was broken. The more they repaired the machine, the more things broke and went wrong with it. He finally spent the full week making repairs so the only day's grind of molasses could be completed. He did not get to spend the week in the temple.

Another time when he planned a day in the temple, he got up to milk his cows and the corral gate was open. He spent the day hunting the cows in the west fields. Still another time, the corral gate was open again and the horses were gone. It took two days to find them in Logan Canyon. He said: "Anytime I wanted to go to the temple, I soon learned that I could not say it out loud. I got up, milked my cows, set the bucket down and ran. And then I could get there without any trouble."

Eight girls left Garland in a white top buggy one morning at 4am, to do baptisms in the temple. Just as they arrived on the west mountain where they could see the temple, a wheel came off the buggy. Before they reached Logan, they had had trouble with all four wheels, a hame strap had broken, the yoke came apart, and there was on delay after another every few minutes. They finally reached Logan at 5pm, after the baptisms were done and the font had been emptied. Some of the men were still there, the font was refilled, and the girls were baptized. They said that Satan followed the mall the way to Logan that day.

The evil one's power and influence are real. He knows the value of temple work and would do anything in his power to keep people away. But he failed to recognize the faithfulness and devotion of the Saints in this area, for they were not easily discouraged.
http://www.moroni10.com/mormon_history/logan-temple-devil.html

Fortunately for Mormons, they aren't required to believe this story, because it was some guy named Marriner W. Merrill who claimed it happened. If it was Joseph Smith, and he recorded it in the D&C, and it was taught in lesson manuals, Mormons would be required to believe it. It's so nice to have the freedom to not believe stupid stories like this if you don't want to, no matter who the story teller is.

[_SteelHead]

Both sets of grandparents and several uncles and aunts, all LDS, lived in Cache Valley when I was a kid. I used to go there in the summertime to live with my grandparents and help them and other relatives out on their farms. It was great because I was allowed to drive a car at 15, and got to operate all kinds of farm machinery.

My grandparents and relatives would relate similar faith promoting stories to me with such sincerity that I believed them, or at least believed that they believed them. And belief was easy in Cache Valley in those days. Many of the stories had to do with the miraculous protection from fire and physical injury afforded by wearing garments.

Everyone you dealt with there and then was somehow engaged in agriculture - most were LDS - and there a great deal of trust borne of shared experience and the immediacy of making a living through hard physical work.

There was no internet, there was only B&W TV with a couple of snowy analog broadcast channels that nobody bothered to watch much, mainly because everyone was physically tired from the day's work.

Breakfast was high calorie with eggs, bacon or sausage, toast and milk. Lunch was a sandwich and a mason jar of water brought out to the fields by the womenfolk, and dinner was often just old bread broken into a bowl of whole milk still warm from the cows.

The everyday world was pretty much confined Cache Valley - between Logan and Preston - and was no reason to think that anyone you knew was less than truthful and sincere.

Being Mormon was great when one did not know any better. Of that generation in my family, there were few defectors from the faith. I was aware of only one out of dozens of that generation, and none in the generation that preceded it.

Next generation (Baby Boomer) however, finds only one in six in my family still in the LDS Church.

Evolution of the social kind is not easily avoided - even in isolated Cache Valley.

I spent many summer weekends as a kid camping and fishing on the Blacksmith Fork river (left hand branch). God it was beautiful. Especially in the fall. It did have more than it's share of rattle snakes, though.

One of my father's closest friends was raised in the Cache Valley. A very lapsed Mormon. Our two families would camp together and compete for the most trout caught.

I wish I was there right now casting flies.

Quasi, how bout we meet up for a float trip on the SF of the Snake this summer, say salmon fly hatch time?

[_sock puppet]

Next generation (Baby Boomer) however, finds only one in six in my family still in the LDS Church.

Every family has one black blinded sheep.

[_sock puppet]

Satan and the Logan Temple President
Temple President Merrill encounters the Devil, who threatens to stop the temple work from being done.
(Excerpt from "Logan Temple: The First 100 Years)
http://www.moroni10.com/mormon_history/logan-temple-devil.html

Logan Temple President Marriner W. Merrill was sitting in his office one morning in the early 1890's when he heard a commotion outside. Stepping to the window, he saw a great congregation of people coming up the temple hill, some on foot, and others on horseback and in carriages. President Merrill's first thought was, "What will we do with so many people? If we fill every room in the temple, it will not begin to hold them all."

The riders tied their horses up at the hitching posts or turned them loose on the temple corrals, and walked complacently about the front grounds, without seeming to have much purpose in mind. They were rather an odd looking group, and were dressed quite shabbily.

They made no effort to enter the temple, so President Merrill went out to greet them and see what he could do for the group. He said to their leader: "Who are you, and who are these people who have taken possession of the temple grounds unannounced?"

He answered: "I am Satan, and these are my people." Brother Merrill asked: "What do you want, and why have you come here?" Satan replied: "I don't like what is being done in the Logan Temple and have come to stop it." That was a bit of a shock to President Merrill, and he answered: "No, we will not stop it. This is the work of the Lord and must go on. You know that you or any one else can not stop the work of the Lord."

"If you refuse to stop it, I will tell you what I propose to do," the adversary said. "I will scatter this congregation of people throughout these valleys, and we will keep people from coming to the temple. We will whisper in their ears and discourage them from attending the temple. This will stop your temple work."

President Merrill then used the power of his priesthood and commanded Satan and his followers to depart from holy ground. He said that within four or five minutes there was not a person, horse or buggy in sight. They just disappeared into thin air and were gone.

Then for the next ten or twelve years we could have closed the Logan Temple, for very little work was accomplished. In one full year, the number of endowments done totaled only 5,121, while in our day we have done, 3,064 in one day. Where all ordinances for the year equaled but 20,110, today we have done 15,456 in one day, and a total of 1,808,265 for the full year.

Christian L. Olsen lived only a half mile from the temple, and he said any time he said out loud that he was going to the temple, something happened to keep him away. One evening he said to the boys: "Tomorrow we will finish grinding out molasses, and then I'd like to spend a week in the temple." The mill was operating perfectly that evening, but the next morning the main wheel was broken. The more they repaired the machine, the more things broke and went wrong with it. He finally spent the full week making repairs so the only day's grind of molasses could be completed. He did not get to spend the week in the temple.

Another time when he planned a day in the temple, he got up to milk his cows and the corral gate was open. He spent the day hunting the cows in the west fields. Still another time, the corral gate was open again and the horses were gone. It took two days to find them in Logan Canyon. He said: "Anytime I wanted to go to the temple, I soon learned that I could not say it out loud. I got up, milked my cows, set the bucket down and ran. And then I could get there without any trouble."

Eight girls left Garland in a white top buggy one morning at 4am, to do baptisms in the temple. Just as they arrived on the west mountain where they could see the temple, a wheel came off the buggy. Before they reached Logan, they had had trouble with all four wheels, a hame strap had broken, the yoke came apart, and there was on delay after another every few minutes. They finally reached Logan at 5pm, after the baptisms were done and the font had been emptied. Some of the men were still there, the font was refilled, and the girls were baptized. They said that Satan followed the mall the way to Logan that day.

The evil one's power and influence are real. He knows the value of temple work and would do anything in his power to keep people away. But he failed to recognize the faithfulness and devotion of the Saints in this area, for they were not easily discouraged.
http://www.moroni10.com/mormon_history/logan-temple-devil.html

I love these Satan stories. Especially the juicy missionary exorcism ones where the Master of All Evil, Lord of Hell, Lightbringer and Brother of Jesus, cowers before a twenty year old dweeb. It's like a Buffy spin-off.

Oh, how I wish that two years of my life had been as interesting as a Buffy spin-off.

[_ZelphtheGreat]

How come The Three Nephites didn't hang around to make sure the wagons and buggies of the faithful were in good enough shape to make it? Maybe patch the wooden wheels and such?

[_canpakes]

Just as they arrived on the west mountain where they could see the temple, a wheel came off the buggy. Before they reached Logan, they had had trouble with all four wheels, a hame strap had broken, the yoke came apart, and there was on delay after another every few minutes.

This Satan fellow is certainly a bumbling sort. We have nothing to worry about from an amateur like this. Who messes with wheels and straps? Seems like it would have been much more efficient to drop a tree on that buggy to squash it and the occupants flat, or open up a sinkhole underneath it to swallow up the innocent Temple-goers. Seems like that would send a much more effective message to anyone following them, as well.

Geez, what incompetence.

[_Maksutov]

Just as they arrived on the west mountain where they could see the temple, a wheel came off the buggy. Before they reached Logan, they had had trouble with all four wheels, a hame strap had broken, the yoke came apart, and there was on delay after another every few minutes.

This Satan fellow is certainly a bumbling sort. We have nothing to worry about from an amateur like this. Who messes with wheels and straps? Seems like it would have been much more efficient to drop a tree on that buggy to squash it and the occupants flat, or open up a sinkhole underneath it to swallow up the innocent Temple-goers. Seems like that would send a much more effective message to anyone following them, as well.

Geez, what incompetence.

Now, now. He had poor genes and a lousy upbringing. I think it's time Christians showed a little more forgiveness and compassion to dear brother Satan.

[_pashaman]

I love these Satan stories. Especially the juicy missionary exorcism ones where the Master of All Evil, Lord of Hell, Lightbringer and Brother of Jesus, cowers before a twenty year old dweeb. It's like a Buffy spin-off.

Before I found out what sleep paralysis was all about, I would have told you some juicy stories of casting out devils as a freshman at BYU and as a missionary.

Do you still get those? I used to have those experiences all the time. Thought I was going crazy like one of my nutty uncles.

[_Arrakis]

Yes, I was listening to some rock music, then Mick Jagger showed up and let me know the only purpose of rock music was to get people to have sex. Since I liked rock music, I figured I might as well let it fulfill the measure of its creation, so I found a horny co-ed and turned the volume up. It seemed to be working, but then these demons from hell showed up and made me stop. Oh, hang on a sec, I may be conflating my own hazy memories based on Tobin's conversion story. But hey, the gist of it is true anyhow. Or else my story was never meant to be taken literally, but is in fact a metaphor for something I actually meant to just say plainly, but then I let fly with this whole story instead, because it's more effective to refer to things metaphorically in religion, as compared to just saying what you want to say.

In the name of cheese and rice, amen.

You were on the Highway to Hell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEPmA3USJdI