It is currently Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:08 pm

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 317 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 16  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:09 pm 
B.H. Roberts Chair of Mopologetic Studies
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 9:44 am
Posts: 6870
Location: Cassius University
Dear Lord, I ask that thou might forgive me, for I have maxed out my Cassius credit card. Sadly, I failed to notice the exponential zeros that were generated on the Maxwell Institute's ordering form when I applied for my Liahona-level membership, and they charged me a six-figure sum. Needless to say, Dean Robbers wasn't pleased. I tried to explain to him that this really just amounts to a very large research expenditure, but I got an earful nonetheless.

So, please forgive me my sins, and have mercy on me for not shopping at Thy Great and Spacious Shopping Mall.

_________________
"[I]f, while hoping that everybody else will be honest and so forth, I can personally prosper through unethical and immoral acts without being detected and without risk, why should I not?." --Daniel Peterson, 6/4/14


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:23 pm 
God

Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:35 pm
Posts: 18195
Location: Shady Acres Status: MODERATOR
Yea, though I walk through the valley of no shopping at City Creek Mall ever, I shall fear no evil, for Dr Scratch art with me.

Surely goodness and harmony will follow me all the days of my life.

_________________
(Nevo, Jan 23) And the Melchizedek Priesthood may not have been restored until the summer of 1830, several months after the organization of the Church.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:35 pm 
World's Top Zion Scientist
User avatar

Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 1:11 pm
Posts: 9547
Location: North Side of The Apocalrock
:exclaim: that's not an exclamation point, get the point?

_________________
Vindicate Joseph Smith: BECOME ZION
http://apocalblog.blogspot.com/.

My YouTube videos:HERE
PDF Wonders of Eternity: New Mormon Theology:HERE


Last edited by Nightlion on Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:44 pm 
Has More Degrees Than Droopy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:21 pm
Posts: 2685
Location: Cassius University: Ho Chi Minh Professor of American Military History
Someone promote Mormon Jesus to board moderator. Nowzers!

_________________
Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded.-charity 3/7/07

MASH quotes
I peeked in the back [of the Bible] Frank, the Devil did it.
I avoid church religiously.
This isn't one of my sermons, I expect you to listen.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:50 pm 
Doctor Scratch wrote:
Dear Lord, I ask that thou might forgive me, for I have maxed out my Cassius credit card. Sadly, I failed to notice the exponential zeros that were generated on the Maxwell Institute's ordering form when I applied for my Liahona-level membership, and they charged me a six-figure sum. Needless to say, Dean Robbers wasn't pleased. I tried to explain to him that this really just amounts to a very large research expenditure, but I got an earful nonetheless.

So, please forgive me my sins, and have mercy on me for not shopping at Thy Great and Spacious Shopping Mall.

Harmony wrote:
Yea, though I walk through the valley of no shopping at City Creek Mall ever, I shall fear no evil, for Dr Scratch art with me.

Surely goodness and harmony will follow me all the days of my life.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

You guys are awesome!!! LOL


Top
  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:56 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2007 5:45 am
Posts: 8357
Location: somewhere else
This is probably the Greatest Post Ever. I vote that its number be retired.

_________________
From the Ernest L. Wilkinson Diaries: "ELW dreams he's spattered w/ grease. Hundreds steal his greasy pants."


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:00 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:48 pm
Posts: 5159
I rebuke you in the name of Darth Satan! All hail, the Sith lord rules! The power of the Dark Side through the priesthood of the Sith lords will overrun this board and destroy those who seek to plant Mormon foolishness!

:twisted:

I rebuke YOU, Jehovah, you animal killer!

Rise up my friends and swear an oath that you will defend the poor animals from being slaughtered by Jehovah and his wild blood thirsty prophets!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mv9G9rwWihg&feature=related

Paul O

_________________
A fool said, "Say what you like. The figure which Joseph Smith identifies as the "slave" is not an image of Anubis, nor is it functioning as Anubis in the image that is displayed." (zerinus)


Last edited by Shulem on Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:05 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 11:19 am
Posts: 2799
Blixa wrote:
This is probably the Greatest Post Ever. I vote that its number be retired.


Sometimes I wonder why I'm here (on this earth and on this board). Then Mormon Jesus comes and makes everything all right.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:11 pm 
World's Top Zion Scientist
User avatar

Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 1:11 pm
Posts: 9547
Location: North Side of The Apocalrock
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim:
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim:
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim:

_________________
Vindicate Joseph Smith: BECOME ZION
http://apocalblog.blogspot.com/.

My YouTube videos:HERE
PDF Wonders of Eternity: New Mormon Theology:HERE


Last edited by Nightlion on Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:13 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 2:46 pm
Posts: 9070
Location: The Orange House: The loft overlooking the garden
Morley wrote:
Blixa wrote:
This is probably the Greatest Post Ever. I vote that its number be retired.


Sometimes I wonder why I'm here (on this earth and on this board). Then Mormon Jesus comes and makes everything all right.


Praises to his name!

_________________
~Those who benefit from the status quo always attribute inequities to the choices of the underdog.~Ann Crittenden
~The Goddess is not separate from the world-She is the world and all things in it.~


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:32 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:48 pm
Posts: 5159
Nightlion wrote:
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim:
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim:
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :
:exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim: :exclaim:


:exclaim: Murderer! Your god is a murderer. Jehovah must be tried and found guilty -- and executed for his crimes against humanity. I will wrap my hands around his throat and choke him to death myself! Get out of the way, Nightlion, or I'll push you over like a ragdoll. I fear you not, boy. I will choke your god to death untill he stops breathing and falls over like a sack of sand.

:lol:

Paul O

_________________
A fool said, "Say what you like. The figure which Joseph Smith identifies as the "slave" is not an image of Anubis, nor is it functioning as Anubis in the image that is displayed." (zerinus)


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:00 pm 
God
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:48 am
Posts: 18536
Quote:
it matters not, the pure doctrine doth make us all smile except for bcspace who was left out and undoubtedly crying himself to sleep because Jesus failed to mention him-perhaps it will happen in a later continuing revelation!

i recommend mj to speak in the next general conference.


Not at all. I'm the one who sent him.
:wink:

_________________
Machina Sublime
Satan's Plan Deconstructed.
Your Best Resource On Joseph Smith's Polygamy.
Conservatism is the Gospel of Christ and the Plan of Salvation in Action.
The Degeneracy Of Progressivism.
A lesson on 'Faggotry' for Kevin Graham; a legitimately descriptive and even positive term used by homosexuals themselves.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:36 pm 
Has More Degrees Than Droopy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:21 pm
Posts: 2685
Location: Cassius University: Ho Chi Minh Professor of American Military History
Further revelations from Mormon Jesus in the Off-Topic, where Mormon Jesus has wisely declared Droopy down for the count after the whipping he received at my hand.

_________________
Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded.-charity 3/7/07

MASH quotes
I peeked in the back [of the Bible] Frank, the Devil did it.
I avoid church religiously.
This isn't one of my sermons, I expect you to listen.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:48 pm 
tired, less active investigator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2007 1:07 am
Posts: 10158
Location: Hungary
Mormon Jesus?

Reading this, I was like the rustic in the classic Székely/Hungarian joke:
He says, standing in the zoo before the giraffe:
- No, there is no such animal!

Then I read:
Posted: 2012.04.12 02:42:17
Last edited by Mormon Jesus on 2012.04.12 03:07:57, edited 10 times in total.

Edited 10 times in 25 minutes - echt Mormon, I can say.

_________________
- Whenever a poet or preacher, chief or wizard spouts gibberish, the human race spends centuries deciphering the message. - Umberto Eco
- To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin. - Cardinal Bellarmine at the trial of Galilei


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:20 am 
Mormon Jesus wrote:
1. Behold, yea, verily, hearken, ye people of this message board, even Mormon Discussions,
2. For mine eyes are upon you, and your works are known to me. Behold, I am the first and the last, Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, Twilight and Breaking Dawn,
3. Prepare yourselves thenceforth to receive my word, for lo, I come quickly, and there shall be some who will remain unsatisfied therefrom.
4. I say therefore unto those who are moderators: let your moderating be in moderation, lest I curse you with a sore cursing, even unto the third and fourth generation.
5. For the vexation with which ye shall be vexed shall be vexatious indeed; how exquisite, ye know not, nor how excruciating, nor how often people shall badmouth you in chat, except that ye figure out by which manner ye have caused someone or other to complain.
6. And to the inhabitants of this message board, behold and see that my anger is kindled against you. O, this wicked and stiff-necked generation! A commandment I give unto you, that ye cease thine inanity, and loud laughter, and evil speaking of those whom I have appointed to administer my Corporation upon this earth.
7. Lay up not for yourself treasures on the internet, where moderators ban and glitches destroy, but go ye unto mine mall, where all manner of treasures of the earth may be bought,
8. Of Brooks Brothers, and of Hugo Boss; of Nordstrom, and Macy's, and Porsche Design, and Tiffany's, and Coach; ye, and all manner of others,
9. To gladden the heart, to fill the closet, and to empty the wallet, that there may be meat in mine house;
10. Even as there is meat at the Texas de Brazil Churrascaria restaurant, which shall be open on the Sabbath, even as the stores shall be closed on my holy day.
11. And now I say a word to certain of the members of this board;
12. Behold, my servant Ldsfaqs, I am well pleased with thy works; my hand smiles upon you. Yea, straight is the jacket, and rubber is the room, into which thou shalt enter and find thy reward,
13. Unto my servant Doctor Scratch, I say unto you: be ye wise as a serpent, and use thy time in more productive means, even unto the patronizing mine mall in the land I have consecrated for retail purposes,
14. For where thy credit card is, there shalt thy heart be also.
15. To mine handmaiden Just Me: let thy mouth be shut, and presume not to think for thyself, for thou art female, and hast no need of troubling thyself unto figuring things out for thyself;
16. And to my servant MrStakhanovite, behold, thy secret combinations are known to me, and I have seen your works to drag others into the pit, who also conspire with thee;
17. Seek instead knowledge out of the best books, which may be ordered online at http://www.deseretbook.com;
18. Unto Darth J, I say: just shut up.
19. To Tarski, and to CaliforniaKId, and those who think themselves learned in the philosophies and theories of men: go, and create thine own universe, and then ye may complain to me about how screwed up things are;
20. Unto my servant, Why Me, behold, light cotton is an abomination in my sight, nor is such imagery pleasing unto me, nor to any who contemplate thereof;
21. Act like a grown-up, not a half-hearted teenager.
22. To Jskains, and Droopy, and others who have sought refuge amongst thy bretheren on Mormon Dialogue, but were rebuked;
23. Ye are even as I, who came into mine own, but mine own received me not; therefore, murmur not that any message board is willing to tolerate thee at all;
24. For if thou are too imbalanced even for Mormon Dialogue, then woe, woe, unto thee,
25. A man may as well try to put forth his puny arm and turn the course of the Mississippi, as reason with thee, and yet thou art accepted the same, yet not by thy fellow bretheren and sisteren in the faith,
26. Yea, this is irony, which I shall liken unto rain on thy wedding day, or a free ride when thou hast already paid, or the good advice that thou just did not take.
27. And unto Mfbukowski, behold, it is wisdom in me that thou shalt pop in from time to time, and thereaways promptly pop right back out again; therefore, trifle not with philosophical things; thy thoughts are known unto me, but unto absolutely no one else.
28. And I say again, to all the the rest of you who inhabit this board, repent ye, and make straight the passage of my coming, and surely I will be amazed if you understand what that meant;
29. For there shall be some in these latter days who shall say that even as pain is weakness leaving the body, so apostasy is superstition leaving the intellect;
30. Listen not to their counsel, but hearken instead to him whom I have anointed to be my prophet at this time, even......what's his name......
31. Thomas S. Monson.
32. Ye are a city upon a hill, which cannot be hid, thanks to Google cache;
33. Turn ye therefore unto me. I am the light which shineth in darkness, the voice in the wilderness, the partner in thy tag-team steel cage death match,
34. Near, far, wherever thou art, I believe that the heart doth go on.
35. Once more thou openest the door, and thou art here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.
36. So post things that are worth reading. Verily, these are mine own words, and shall never be changed nor edited. Even so. Amen.



You're no Joseph Smith, that's for sure. lol.

Quote:
4 And now I, the Lord, give unto you a testimony of the truth of these commandments which are lying before you.
5 Your eyes have been upon my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., and his language you have known, and his imperfections you have known; and you have sought in your hearts knowledge that you might express beyond his language; this you also know.
6 Now, seek ye out of the Book of Commandments, even the least that is among them, and appoint him that is the most wise among you;
7 Or, if there be any among you that shall make one like unto it, then ye are justified in saying that ye do not know that they are true;
8 But if ye cannot make one like unto it, ye are under condemnation if ye do not bear record that they are true.
9 For ye know that there is no unrighteousness in them, and that which is righteous cometh down from above, from the Father of lights.


D&C 67.


Top
  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:34 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 12, 2010 2:15 am
Posts: 2839
Location: OreIda
This can't be true revelation or it would have at least 877 "and it came to pass" quotes in it.

_________________
aka Pokatator joined Oct 26, 2006 and permanently banned from MAD Nov 6, 2006
"Stop being such a damned coward and use your real name to own your position."
"That's what he gets for posting in his own name."
2 different threads same day 2 hours apart Yohoo Bat 12/1/2015


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:37 am 
Anti-Mormon

Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:32 pm
Posts: 5031
Location: In the Politburo
Quote:
16. And to my servant MrStakhanovite, behold, thy secret combinations are known to me, and I have seen your works to drag others into the pit, who also conspire with thee;


I can't tell, have I been rebuked?


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:43 am 
God

Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:35 pm
Posts: 18195
Location: Shady Acres Status: MODERATOR
MrStakhanovite wrote:
Quote:
16. And to my servant MrStakhanovite, behold, thy secret combinations are known to me, and I have seen your works to drag others into the pit, who also conspire with thee;


I can't tell, have I been rebuked?


Or promoted. I can't decide which.

_________________
(Nevo, Jan 23) And the Melchizedek Priesthood may not have been restored until the summer of 1830, several months after the organization of the Church.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:25 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 3:33 pm
Posts: 12064
Location: Kli-flos-is-es
You need to update your avatar to reflect current church standards, Mormon Jesus.


Image

_________________
Parley P. Pratt wrote:
We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:
There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:27 am 
God
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 3:33 pm
Posts: 12064
Location: Kli-flos-is-es
Quote:
22. To Jskains, and Droopy, and others who have sought refuge amongst thy bretheren on Mormon Dialogue, but were rebuked;
23. Ye are even as I, who came into mine own, but mine own received me not; therefore, murmur not that any message board is willing to tolerate thee at all;
24. For if thou are too imbalanced even for Mormon Dialogue, then woe, woe, unto thee,
25. A man may as well try to put forth his puny arm and turn the course of the Mississippi, as reason with thee, and yet thou art accepted the same, yet not by thy fellow bretheren and sisteren in the faith,
26. Yea, this is irony, which I shall liken unto rain on thy wedding day, or a free ride when thou hast already paid, or the good advice that thou just did not take.


Real life lolz

:lol:

_________________
Parley P. Pratt wrote:
We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:
There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: A Warning to Mormon Discussions
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 2:57 pm 
Priest

Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 6:39 pm
Posts: 284
Location: In the catacombs of Ancient Egypt.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

_________________
"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows." - Samuel Clemens

The name of the "king" in Facsimile No. 3 of the Book of Abraham is Isis. Yes...that is her name.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 317 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 16  Next

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: consiglieri, cwald, Cylon, Franktalk, moinmoin, Res Ipsa, SteelHead and 22 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
Revival Theme By Brandon Designs By B.Design-Studio © 2007-2008 Brandon
Revival Theme Based off SubLite By Echo © 2007-2008 Echo
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group