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 Post subject: Dialogue Between Elder Perry and Hans Mattsson (NOT REALLY)
PostPosted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:35 pm 
Deacon

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:46 pm
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Elder L. Tom Perry is standing before a gathering of 600 Swedish Members in Stockholm. He holds up his briefcase:

Perry: "Brothers and Sisters of Sweden, let me assure you, as an Apostle of Jesus Christ, that all the answers to your questions are contained in a manuscipt in this briefcase. They're all there! So, go home tonight in full faith, knowing with assurance that all your questions have been answered. I testify to you that this Church is true, Joseph Smith was a true Prophet, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Perry gets off the stage, and sits down. Another man arises and speaks in Swedish:

Another man: "We want to thank Elder Perry for coming all the way from Salt Lake City to bring us this wonderful news. The congregation will now sing the Hymn; "the Faith of our Fathers".

Congregation sings hymn, and the closing prayer is given. Hans Mattsson, who is in the congregation, approaches Elder Perry is who getting up to leave.

Mattsson: "Elder Perry, I enjoyed your remarks. I am so happy that you have brought to us the answers to our questions. But, I'm a little confused. This Fireside was supposed to be about answering our questions. When do you plan to let us read the manuscript you have?"

Perry: "Brother Mattsson, like I just said, the answers are all here in the briefcase I have. What more do you need?"

Mattsson: "Well, Elder Perry, I'm so happy to hear that you have the answers. When can I see the manuscript?"

Perry: "Brother Mattsson, do you not remember the Savior's words: "Blessed is he who has not seen, yet believes"?

Mattsson: "Yes, Elder Perry, I remember it. It means we are to believe in the Savior's resurrection, based upon the testimony of others, when we have not seen His resurrection ourselves."

Perry: "Ah! Very good Brother Mattsson. In like manner, you are to believe that the answers are in my briefcase, because I have testified they are there, yet you are not to see them, but you are to believe without seeing, just as the Savior admonished us to do."

Mattsson: "WHAT??!?? What are you talking about? I mean, you promised to have the answers for us before you came here. We all came to this fireside awaiting answers. Isn't that why you came to Sweden?"

Perry: "Indeed! Indeed that is the reason I came. And, I brought the answers with me! Do you trust my testimony? Am I not an Apostle of Jesus Christ? Cannot my word by trusted?"

Mattsson: "I trust your word Elder Perry."

Perry: "Then okay then! Please, Brother Mattsson, don't be so impertinent again! Don't ask me again to look at the manuscript. I've testified to the truthfulness of the Church. I've told you that the answers are in my briefcase. You need to HAVE MORE FAITH, and not question. Good day."

Perry leaves and walks out of the sanctuary, followed by several handlers. Mattsson is frozen, unable to move, stunned by what he has heard. He looks out toward the audience of the several hundred Swedish Members, who stare back at him in total bewilderment.

NOTE: This is faction: fiction based upon fact.


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 Post subject: Re: Dialogue Between Elder Perry and Hans Mattsson (NOT REAL
PostPosted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:52 pm 
God

Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:54 am
Posts: 1509
That's actually pretty good


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 Post subject: Re: Dialogue Between Elder Perry and Hans Mattsson (NOT REAL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 12:33 am 
God
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Location: Somewhere on the ocean with know-it-all control freak Nephi
I wonder if he had the briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. That would have been cool.

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 Post subject: Re: Dialogue Between Elder Perry and Hans Mattsson (NOT REAL
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:04 pm 
Deacon

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:46 pm
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Personally, I think Elder Perry had a manuscript, which was written by Marlin Jensen and Richard Turley, which tried to answer some of the major anti-Mormon arguments. But, I've heard these "answers" before and almost all of them are really quite LAME.

Joseph Smith as a Money Digger: "Gee, we really don't know much about this. More research must be done before we can say anything definitive."

Joseph Smith and Polygandry: DITTO

The Book of Abraham vs the Papyri: DITTO

The Kinderhook Plates: "He never translated it, so where's the problem? Sure, his scribe said he translated a portion, but can we trust what his scribe wrote? We think not."

First Vision Problems: "Well, there are discrepancies between the Gospel accounts and we don't let that bother us do we?"

Book of Mormon versus DNA: "That is controversial. A lot more science has to be done before anything definitive can be said on this issue".

Yahda, yahda, yahda...____...____...____.

Elder Perry probably first read the Manuscript on the plane over to Sweden, said to himself, "MY GOD...I CAN'T LET THE SWEDISH MEMBERS READ THIS CRAP!!!!" and decided then and there he wasn't gonna let it out of his briefcase.


son of Ishmael wrote:
I wonder if he had the briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. That would have been cool.


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 Post subject: Re: Dialogue Between Elder Perry and Hans Mattsson (NOT REAL
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:17 pm 
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DannyBoy wrote:

Quote:
Elder Perry probably first read the Manuscript on the plane over to Sweden, said to himself, "MY GOD...I CAN'T LET THE SWEDISH MEMBERS READ THIS CRAP!!!!" and decided then and there he wasn't gonna let it out of his briefcase.


You give Elder Perry far too much credit. But, it is a really funny thread, anyway.

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