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 Post subject: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:03 pm 
God
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I've been trying to turn gay the last few week's but haven't been successful. With gay marriage being legalized, and gays becoming more accepted, I've decided I need to become gay. I've heard from many Mormons that pornography leads to homosexuality, so I've been looking at a lot of porn. So far I still am attracted to women. In fact, I find myself drawn to the heterosexual porn just as much as I did before, and I still have no interest in homo porn. I've heard masturbation leads to homosexuality, but when I masturbate, I think heterosexual thoughts, and even after frequent masturbation sessions I still am not attracted to men. I tried hanging around gay men, because I heard when you hang out with gays, their immorality will bring you down to their level. I spent several days with some gay guys and although my fashion sense has improved, I am still attracted to women and have no desire for guy on guy action. I stopped reading the Book of Mormon, and have even read some anti-mormon propaganda, but even that has not turned me gay. Any other ideas?

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:10 pm 
God

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DarkHelmet wrote:
I've been trying to turn gay the last few week's but haven't been successful. With gay marriage being legalized, and gays becoming more accepted, I've decided I need to become gay. I've heard from many Mormons that pornography leads to homosexuality, so I've been looking at a lot of porn. So far I still am attracted to women. In fact, I find myself drawn to the heterosexual porn just as much as I did before, and I still have no interest in homo porn. I've heard masturbation leads to homosexuality, but when I masturbate, I think heterosexual thoughts, and even after frequent masturbation sessions I still am not attracted to men. I tried hanging around gay men, because I heard when you hang out with gays, their immorality will bring you down to their level. I spent several days with some gay guys and although my fashion sense has improved, I am still attracted to women and have no desire for guy on guy action. I stopped reading the Book of Mormon, and have even read some anti-mormon propaganda, but even that has not turned me gay. Any other ideas?


I think you need to make the next step and have actual sex with another man. :razz:

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:12 pm 
God
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I think you have to be recruited. I don't know exactly how to go about that, but Darrick Evenson can give you a list of likely public restrooms.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:13 pm 
Deacon
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The answer is illegal drugs.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:17 pm 
God
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You must have had loving straight parents and a lack of teenage depression. I'm not sure if we can make up for that.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:18 pm 
God

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Dark,

Your soul wrenching story has moved me to post some Church counsel on the matter that may help you with your fight against your unnatural Heterosexual leanings (opposite gender attraction).

Quote:
The Church opposes heterosexual behavior, and we reach out with understanding and respect to people with opposite-gender attraction.

If you know people who have a opposite-gender attraction, follow the same principles you do in your other friendships: “Choose your friends carefully. They will greatly influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become. Choose friends who share your values so you can strengthen and encourage each other in living high standards. A true friend will encourage you to be your best self. … Treat everyone with kindness and respect” (For the Strength of Youth [booklet, 2001], 12).

The Church teaches that human sexuality has a purpose in Heavenly Father’s plan. In order for us to be happy and to fulfill that purpose, we are commanded to live the law of chastity. Heterosexual behavior is contrary to that purpose and violates God’s commandments.

However, if someone is attracted to people of the opposite gender and does not act on those feelings, he or she has not sinned. The Church’s standard for morality is the same for everyone, no matter which gender one feels attracted to. Neither the Lord nor His Church can condone any behavior that violates His laws. Again, we condemn the immoral behavior, not the person.


Dark, know that we love you and perhaps we can assist you with some electro-shock therapy to cure you of the curse of opposite-gender attraction...

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:21 pm 
God
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DarkHelmet wrote:
Any other ideas?

Watch more Lifetime televison.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:27 pm 
God
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It's simple - run for local office as a Republican with a staunchly anti-gay position. You'll be snorting coke off a male prostitute's ass in no time.

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Parley P. Pratt wrote:
We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:
There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.


Last edited by Buffalo on Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:31 pm 
God

Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am
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Further to my suggestion that you seek help.
The LDS Church, God bless ''em, has been inspired to provide additional services to help people in your condition.


Quote:
Counseling Services
LDS Family Services has 57 offices throughout the United States and 12 international offices in Canada, Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Mexico, Chile, and Brazil available to provide counseling services to individuals, couples, and families. The professional counseling staff hold a master's degree in the behavioral sciences at a minimum.

Professional counseling can assist members in a variety of situations. Common reasons for counseling include, but are not limited to, marital conflict, parent-child conflict, addiction, abuse, depression, anxiety, and opposite-gender attraction. Working with the member and the member's bishop is often helpful in changing destructive behaviors and creating healthier relationships. A bishop and member can often determine together if professional counseling might be helpful. To receive counseling services, members may be referred by their bishop or branch president, or they may contact the agency directly.


Sadly your tithing donations don't cover this....

Quote:
There is a fee for counseling services.

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“We look to not only the spiritual but also the temporal, and we believe that a person who is impoverished temporally cannot blossom spiritually.”
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"One, two, three...let's go shopping!"
Thomas S Monson - Prophet, Seer, Revelator


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:32 pm 
God
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I've heard that prisons and the navy are prime breeding grounds.

The logic goes like this: since women are not available for sex, the lazy and impatient men, who can't wait for when they can be with women again, turn to orifices that are available. Et voilá, yer gay.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:40 pm 
Anti-Mormon

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Location: In the Politburo
Blixa's artistic representation of BCSpace's recruitment:

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:52 pm 
God
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Does this help?

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Parley P. Pratt wrote:
We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:
There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:57 pm 
You're making this way too difficult. Remember when you decided to be straight? It's just like that, expect this time decide to be gay. Maybe you should decide to be bi-curious to save you the trouble of having to switch back.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:08 pm 
God

Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am
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Have you tried listening to Kylie and watching Lisa Manelli reruns?

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“We look to not only the spiritual but also the temporal, and we believe that a person who is impoverished temporally cannot blossom spiritually.”
Keith McMullin - Counsellor in Presiding Bishopric

"One, two, three...let's go shopping!"
Thomas S Monson - Prophet, Seer, Revelator


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:16 pm 
Seedy Academician
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Don't forget Babs.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:23 pm 
God
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I'm very happy to hear about your improved fashion sense. Please elaborate. :)

I will take any excuse to derail into such a subject.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:31 pm 
God
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You should ask bscpace what his method is for maintaining, with jaws clenched, a heterosexual orientation. Then do the opposite.

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Parley P. Pratt wrote:
We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:
There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:40 pm 
God

Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am
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Buffalo wrote:
You should ask bscpace what his method is for maintaining, with jaws clenched, a heterosexual orientation. Then do the opposite.


Is bcspace's curse of opposite sex attraction official or just speculation and opinion?

_________________
“We look to not only the spiritual but also the temporal, and we believe that a person who is impoverished temporally cannot blossom spiritually.”
Keith McMullin - Counsellor in Presiding Bishopric

"One, two, three...let's go shopping!"
Thomas S Monson - Prophet, Seer, Revelator


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:47 pm 
Dark Lord of the Sith
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krose wrote:
I've heard that prisons and the navy are prime breeding grounds.


They want you as a new recruit.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:52 pm 
God
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How about some electro-shock therapy? Maybe things are still set up BYU's Smith Family Living Center? It worked so well in reverse for those trying to go straight....


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 Post subject: Re: I'm trying to turn gay.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:00 pm 
God
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Drifting wrote:
Buffalo wrote:
You should ask bscpace what his method is for maintaining, with jaws clenched, a heterosexual orientation. Then do the opposite.


Is bcspace's curse of opposite sex attraction official or just speculation and opinion?


bcspace changes the nature of reality through sheer will

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Parley P. Pratt wrote:
We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:
There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.


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