My predictions for first presidency talks next week

Buffalo · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:15 am

T-Dog Monson: I been helpin' out widows before I could even walk, bitches!

Deets Uchtdorf: *insert piloting parable here*

'Enry Eyring: *blubber blubber sob sob*

There, I just saved you 8 hours.

harmony · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:50 am

Talks in conference:

1. Tithing
2. Pornography
3. Tithing
4. Trust us
5. Tithing
6. It's all the women's fault
7. Tithing
8. We never said that
9. Tithing

There will be no detailed annual report of how the tithes are used, there will be no policy changes, there will be no further light and knowledge given. There will be chastisement, there will be demands, and there will be nothing new.

Same ol', same ol'.

*yawn*

DarkHelmet · **Joined:** Tue Mar 03, 2009 5:38 pm **Posts:** 2501

The GC talks are extremely vanilla and mainstream. Sometimes I wish it was like the Brigham Young days where he would call people on the carpet. The talks will cover such engrossing topics as Faith in Jesus, gaining a true testimony, charity, the evils of pornography, missionary work. They will slip in a few comments about paying tithing and obeying the leaders.

Drifting · **Joined:** Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am **Posts:** 7308

"Arthur Patton's alive!"

Fence Sitter · **Joined:** Sat Oct 02, 2010 9:49 am **Posts:** 3477

We should do an over/under pool on how many times the Book of Abraham will be mentioned.

I have dibs on the zero square.

Drifting · **Joined:** Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am **Posts:** 7308

"Good morning Brothers & Sisters. I'd like to take a few moments to talk through the highlights of the financial accounts that will be published immediately following Conference..."

"Good morning Brothers & Sisters. Our first speaker will be Elder Smith and he will be followed his husband Elder Smith."

Drifting · **Joined:** Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am **Posts:** 7308

"Dear Brothers & Sisters. Following a year of unmitigated mistakes and disasters I am hereby resigning as Prophet. All who wish to join with me in thanking me for my service in this calling please show by the Masonic sign of the third degree...erm...by the uplifted right arm."

just me · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:35 am

Drifting wrote:

"Arthur Patton's alive!"

I legit LOL'd

bcspace · **Joined:** Mon Dec 04, 2006 12:48 pm **Posts:** 14230

The interesting thing about this is that some of you will be eagerly watching it anyway.
:surprised:

Fence Sitter · **Joined:** Sat Oct 02, 2010 9:49 am **Posts:** 3477

I'll be watching. Especially Elder Packer. It's like a train wreck waiting to happen.

My wife recorded the last few conferences. I bet I can cue a recorded one up, without her knowing, and she will not notice.

just me · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:43 pm

*Listening to the Spirit/HG/Still small voice
*Avoiding temptation
*Tithing
*Prayer
*Jesus...atonement or whatever
*The family is under attack
*Repentance

Sethbag · **Joined:** Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:52 am **Posts:** 5426

My prediction is that I still won't give a s***, and will be off doing something infinitely more interesting. Which could be almost anything.

just me · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:19 pm

Sethbag wrote:

My prediction is that I still won't give a s***, and will be off doing something infinitely more interesting. Which could be almost anything.

Watching the grass grow...or paint dry...or water boil.

Drifting · **Joined:** Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:52 am **Posts:** 7308

bcspace wrote:

The interesting thing about this is that some of you will be eagerly watching it anyway.
:surprised:

I'm looking forward to your post conference determination on which General Authorities were talking official doctrine and which merely speculating and sharing personal opinions...

zeezrom · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 9:54 pm

We are special witnesses of Jesus and since you choose to believe in Jesus, you are Christian. Being Christian is really neat.

We are growing leaps and bounds because Mormonism rocks.

Atheists suck. People who criticize suck more. Choose to be awesome.

Ordinances are also really neat because they keep you from turning out rotten.

Women are very important and the work in Africa is the bang.

Polygamy-Porter · **Joined:** Tue Oct 20, 2009 7:07 pm **Posts:** 4438

bcspace wrote:

The interesting thing about this is that some of you will be eagerly watching it anyway.
:surprised:

Sure for Conference Drinking Bingo.

Even just taking a teaspoon of whiskey each time the word tithing is used and you will be shitfaced in no time.

zeezrom · **Posted:** Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:10 pm

Porter, how the hell have you been?

That's what I'll be asking during GC.

cinepro · **Joined:** Sat Oct 27, 2007 4:15 pm **Posts:** 2670

zeezrom wrote:

We are special witnesses of Jesus and since you choose to believe in Jesus, you are Christian. Being Christian is really neat.

Didn't you mean especial? :rolleyes:

My predictions for first presidency talks next week

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